You Can’t Say Happiness Without Saying Penis

You try. Try to say “happiness” without making the sound “penis”. I’ll wait. What a great word we use all the time and never thought about the underlying inference. As a guy, I have always associated my penis to happiness anyway, so it wasn’t a total surprise to me.

I was doing some research unrelated to this post, and found so many interesting facts and tidbits, I had to write them down. Of course, it doesn’t really fit into any category; other than a “wow, that is interesting” category — but I felt it was fun enough to include.

And for those of you who get overly sensitive to what you read, take a valium. It is difficult to write “tongue-in-cheek” when you tongue is busy, but I am trying. This post is for fun; designed to get a smile out of you.

A girl once told me, “Don’t take this seriously and fuck everything up“. I try to always remember that advice.

Are you a good lover? I think I am. But did you know that 43 percent of women do NOT orgasm while have sexual relations (thanks, Bill Clinton for that descriptive term) with their partner.

Who is to blame? And what were the conditions? If all the “fake news” of 2018-2019 have taught me anything, it is that I need more details and proof. I need to know what the asked woman; and what activities were included in the survey.

For example: how many women consent to a quickie sexual rendezvous in the early morning or the late night for the benefit of their partner, with no interest or desire of being brought to an orgasm? How many partners provide their partners with intercourse strictly for their partner’s satisfaction? Does that count as part of the percentage of women who do not climax?

What about the partners who can execute oral sex as if it was a 9-course meal? If you are a lover of licking, an hour can go by easy. But how many orgasms will she have during that time?

Shouldn’t we consider the average? She came 14 times during Friday night’s session and begged for a reprieve. The next few mornings, she made sure her partner was satisfied. Doesn’t that average out? Oh, god, I hope you see the humor.

Don’t let me get started on the men who do not experience orgasm or ejaculation. I’m planning an entire post explaining the disease of “anorgasmia”. It is more common than you might imagine and much more devastating. But I digress …

The Kama Sutra lists 30 types of kisses. How many have you tried?

When I read that, I shook my head. I can think of a few, but in general, I thought someone was high when they wrote that. Then I realized they didn’t intend for all kisses to be on the lips. Ohhhhhh. Ok.

Everyone kisses differently. When we meet and begin kissing a new partner, we try to merge our kissing “styles” together to see if we can “meet in the middle”. It doesn’t always work – and partners who can’t get their kissing to work out, will generally not stay together long, because the kiss is a really important sexual aspect of a relationship (be it a short one, or a long one!)

I’m a dominant kisser, although my kisses are soft and extremely sensual. I try to teach my partners to kiss me the way I enjoy. Some partners do change their kissing styles; others do not. I’m always more amazed that people do not really know how to kiss, and will admit to their lack of skill.

For example, the kiss that I do not like (and the most popular kiss) is the “movie-star” kiss, in which both partners have their mouths closed beyond the lips, restricting how much lip is shared with the partner. Don’t believe me? Kiss your partner, forcing your mouth closed. Your partner will not be able to “grasp” very much of your lips with theirs.

Oh, wait. My graphic is of a man and a woman. Don’t freak out. Just imagine it is a representation of a man with a man, or a woman with a woman, or as shown, a man with a woman. Geez. I need so many disclaimers these days.

I also enjoy a gentle tongue kissing; but that does not include Muay Thai Tongue Boxing or using your tongue to locate something you have lost in your partner’s throat. Nor do I like watching two people with their tongue out of their mouth having some type of circular speed test or tongue duel. Yuck.

All I can say is that when you kiss someone that knows how to kiss, you feel it and you know it.

I have told you what I don’t like … let me tell you what I DO LIKE. My favorite kiss (although I didn’t know it had a name until today) is the “Lingering Lip Kiss”. MY definition — it is a slightly open mouth, relaxed lips (!) kiss, that lasts for 10-20 seconds. It is gentle, slow, and demonstrates feeling. It is a sharing kiss, as your lips are together with those of your partner.

Have you ever thought about the way you kiss? Think about partners you have had — specifically the good kissers. What did they do that made their kisses special?

It would be interesting on one hand to write a post about HOW to kiss; on the other hand, I think I would get bored trying to write all the details about each style of kiss!

Thanks for reading. You will never get these two minutes of your time back. But I do hope I made you smile at least once. Feel free to add your comments.