5 signs your partner is selfish in bed
Sexual intercourse is supposed to be both pleasurable and fulfilling for both people. “Fulfilling” is a nice way of saying both partners should have an orgasm.
Unfortunately, it is not always like that, in either new or
old relationships. You get together, are
having a great time, and then before you realize all the good things, your
partner is rolling off of you.
You are lying there disappointed and very unsatisfied
wondering why he doesn’t spend more time trying to get you to the same level of
happiness he experiences.
That is when it hits you.
Your partner is selfish in bed.
Ask your friends – how many of their male partners do NOT orgasm during sex. After they stop laughing, they will tell you what you already knew – NONE. Their partners reach orgasm each and every time whether or not they receive a blowjob, handjob or any other foreplay or activity to get them going. Truthfully, they don’t need it.
Then ask the same group if they climax every time. Your friends, if honest, will say that they usually do not reach orgasm from intercourse alone. Most of the time it will take oral sex, lots and lots of foreplay, and likely digital stimulation or digital vibration to bring them to climax.
In the 2017 edition of the Journal of Sex and Marital
Therapy survey, 1 in 5 women were able to orgasm penis-in-vagina intercourse
along.
Everything you just read is common knowledge. So why is it that your partner doesn’t make
sure you are able to obtain the same sexual fulfillment that he is?
Does he need to be educated? Or is he selfish in bed?
For the sake of discussion, let’s assume your partner is not
very knowledgeable about how to please a woman.
He might think he is a stud, but the reality is, he is a dud. Does he need more practice? Are you communicating to him what you
need? Are you suggesting what he can do
to improve his technique (and make you happy)?
Have you told him these things and tried to steer him to
better sex? Does he know how to be a
good lover but has become lazy and uncaring, worrying only about his orgasm?
If you have tried all of this, then you must consider the
alternative that you were avoiding because it is much more disappointing that
realizing that your partner “doesn’t know better in bed”.
The alternative is that he is selfish in bed and doesn’t care
whether you climax or not.
Here are 5 clues to help you decide if your partner is selfish in bed.
1 – Foreplay? What is that?
Foreplay is either non-existent or he rushes through foreplay. He doesn’t need foreplay and is not worried about what you need. He will check to see if you are wet, and if not will reach for the lube.
The lube allows him a method to rush to sex without doing any work. Using the lube tells you that he understands that sex can be unpleasant or uncomfortable if you aren’t aroused – and he isn’t interesting in taking the time to arouse you.
If this is a relationship that has been ongoing for a while,
did he ever invest time in foreplay or has it always been straight to
intercourse? The answer might tell you
that he is not interested in your satisfaction – or he really is oblivious to
the needs of his sexual partner.
Or is his idea of foreplay to take your hands and place it
on his penis and move your hand, indicating the motion he wants you to do?
2 – There is no oral reciprocation
Even though it is not necessary to get him erect, he asks
and expects you to give him a blowjob on a regular basis, yet he rarely, if
ever, performs oral sex on you.
It is even worse if you have asked him to go down on you and
he hasn’t done it, by giving excuses or simply telling you he doesn’t enjoy it.
To receive and not reciprocate make his position clear and should make your understanding clear that he is thinking only of himself.
The fact that you ask him to do something for you and he
doesn’t do it, screams that he is selfish in bed, as he is not interested in
your pleasure.
Another aspect of this selfishness centers around any orgasms that you give to yourself, with a vibrator or other item. The faster you cum, the happier he is because he feels he had a part in your excitement; or the vibrator might make him unhappy because he DIDN’T have a part in making you cum.
3 – Position is his “fast finish” position
He tends to choose sexual positions that are the easiest for
him, where he doesn’t have to do anything, such as you being on top.
If the position is not with you on top, it will be a position that is easiest for him to cum, regardless of whether it is a position that you like or not. Also known as his “fast finish” position.
Men know which position allows them to climax the fastest;
if he immediately goes to that position, you know that his interest is in his orgasm
as fast as possible. His interest is not
in a satisfying sexual encounter for both of you.
You are the mechanism to make him cum.
Does he withdraw his penis at the last minute so that he can cum somewhere on your body, or your face or in your mouth? This is a dominant feature, with a slight attempt to degrade the partner — depending of course, on the communication and agreements between you.
Does he use sexually degrading terms when he climaxes,
telling you for instance, that you are his “cum slut” or other words that
convey the same degradation?
Or does he ejaculate inside of you so there is no cleanup
for him to handle? When you realize you
are answering yes to some of these hard questions, it is time to realize that
your partner is selfish in bed.
4 – He comes and he goes
After he has an orgasm and ejaculates, does he roll over and
go to sleep? Or if you do not share
housing together, does he tell you that you can see yourself out – or remind
you to lock the door when you leave?
If he does this, you need to evaluate what you are doing –
because this is not a sign of a relationship.
These actions are signs of a hook up; or a friends with benefits
situation.
5 – Do you talk?
What is the communication like in other parts of the
relationship? Does he open up to you
about work, or friends, or other parts of his life?
Sadly, if you aren’t communicating, you really should
consider what was written above – this is more like a hook up than a
relationship.
Get brave, when he starts with his limited and unfulfilling foreplay, tell him you want to cum tonight. Check his actions. Does he automatically become tired, or sore, and suggest that the two of you wait until “tomorrow night”?
Or it might occur on a regular basis that he doesn’t make
time for sex, especially if you ask for it or mention it. Sex is more likely to occur only when he
chose to instigate.
Everyone is busy – but you need to find time for sex
Busy couples who both work and have kids, often use
calendars to make sure they make time for sexual encounters.
If you tried that, did you have sexual encounters on the
calendared days, or did something “come up”?
On the other hand, if you stick to the schedule and decline
his advances on non-scheduled days, does he go out of his way to do something
nice for you, or buy something for you
with the underlying attempt to get you to give him sex on a date not on the
calendar?
Couples are quick to defend each other and say sex isn’t everything. But the truth is that sex can be an indicator of the strength of the relationship and the feelings your partner has for you (or doesn’t have for you).
If the clues presented are occurring in your relationship,
you may need to decide whether you can change his selfishness, or whether it is
better if you move on.
If you have had conversation with him and he has indicated he will change, watch how his communication with you effects his sexual activities. Does he become more attentive?
A partner who is really trying will need to get more information from you – which means he will be asking more questions in an effort to find out what makes you happy. If he is not making you happy nor does he appear to be trying, you may need to consider the sexual relationship you are having with a partner who is selfish in bed.