It was a normal day for Brennan Conroy. He woke up and made a plan with his wife to go shopping. When they arrived at Value Village, located in Nainame British Columbia, they headed directly to the baby aisles to look at items for their daughter. While they were browsing the aisles, Conroy picked up a cute pink ducky and thought it would be fun for his daughter in the tub. At a closer glance of the label which read, “I Rub My Ducky” and the words “personal massager”, they realized that this was not a normal rubber ducky and that it had been wrongly stocked. This couple had just found a vibrator toys in the baby section of the store.
The Conroys did not purchase this item for their daughter, but they had a great story to tell and a good laugh. These parents did what any parents would do and informed an employee of the problem. The employee then found a cart of items that needed re-stocked and placed it in that cart. Worried that the ducky would not find a new placement in the store, the Conroys then informed the manager, who ensured them that the vibrator toy would be placed properly.
The Conroys would like to put a warning out to anyone shopping for a baby gift. They would like you to be warned to read packages closely and be on the lookout for sex or vibrator toys in the baby aisles! There are obviously toys incognito, that are disguised as baby gifts. Brennan Conroy had a funny Facebook status that day, and the story had a happy ending, as did the person who purchased that ducky.
While we were researching this news article, we found that this happens quite often in both on- and off-line stores! Here is the example we found from an online merchant. We were searching for "fun toys" and boy did we find some! The bondage gear showed up with the kid's bathroom toys!
Macy Gray is a raspy-voiced, Grammy winning, American R& B singer. Gray has many hits, but many of her fans may not know that in July 2015, she released a song in honor of her vibrator. Grays song, titled, B.O.B, stands for “Battery Operated Better” The lyrics refer to her favorite man part—her battery operated vibrator. Some of the fun lyrics include “He can go all night, dark until the light and we stop when I want to; He's always the same, he never complains when I want another.” Another line is “Rabbit from a hat, he knows just where it's at, give me what I want, and I want that.”
The video is a cartoon that contains dancing vibrators and later on a battery joins in on the dance. It is an upbeat song, with a cute way to animate the lyrics. This song is just for fun and makes a great tune to play with a vibrator to.
It is apparent that Gray is intensely satisfied with her battery operated vibrator. While most artists have angst and pain and love and broken hearts integrated into the lyrics, Gray is ultimately complimenting the committed and effective aspects of her dildo. The openness that Gray shows with her confidence of alone sexual adventures can be inspirational to others. This song goes to show people that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it involves the use of or purchase of sex toys. Sex is a common need that brings all humans into the same category. We all want it. We all have it, and we all love it. Some are alone, some are with one, some are with many at a time, but yet, the need is there no matter what.
The next time you feel a bit alone, grab that battery operated vibrator, turn on Gray’s song and love yourself and B.O.B. Or you can read the complete lyrics below!
Macy Gray "BOB" Lyrics
He fits like a glove,
always up for love,
steady like a caterpillar.Rabbit from a hat,
he knows just where it's at.Give me what I want,
and I want that.I'd go out and kill,
for what he makes me feel.And his name is BOB!
B- is for Battery
O- Operated
B- is for Better,
cause he's not complicated!
Oh Yeah!He gets me so excited,
I turn him on,
we go baby go!Start the fire and lightening,
ooh aah, ooh I,
I love my baby, BOB
love my baby, BOB
love my baby, BOB
love you baby!B- is for Battery
O- Operated
B- is for Better,
cuz he's not complicated!
Oh Yeah!He can go all night,
dark until the light,
and we stop when I want to.He's always the same,
he never complains,
when I want another.He comes in all kinds of colors,
But he had me at yellow!B- is for butterfly
O- he's the greatest
B- is for Better,
cause he's not complicated!
Oh Yeah!He gets me so excited,
I turn him on,
we go baby go!Start the fire and lightening,
ooh aah, ooh I,
I love my baby, BOB
love my baby, BOB
love my baby, BOB
love my baby!"A" is for Ah Ah Ah,
Like Abracadabra and Apple Sauce!"H" is for Ha Ha Ha,
it's heavenly it looks just like
A big hot dog!And it makes me say, Ahhhh!
makes me say, Ahhhh!
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!Come here baby.
B- is for "Hello Buttercup"
O- is for Oh, Baby,
you look so good to me!
And the other "B", well
That's between you and me!He fits like a glove,
always up for love,
steady like a caterpillar.B- is for Battery
O- Operated
B- is for Better,
cuz he's not complicated!
Oh Yeah!He gets me so excited,
I turn him on,
we go baby go!Start the fire and lightening,
ooh aah, ooh I,
I love my baby, BOBTonight I'm gonna love myself!
Make love, not war!Tonight I'm gonna love myself!
Make love!
In the heat of the moment, your lover tells you he wants to cum on your face (more commonly known as a “facial”). “Sure, why not” you tell him, knowing how excited he gets when he covers your face and watches his love juice drip down your chin. However, the cum in your eyes wasn’t part of the plan.
Guys are visual, and are used to seeing their ejaculation when masturbating, which is what they end up doing in order to give a facial. For many guys, it becomes part of the excitement – being able to see their cum.
Some lovers appreciate a big load of cum in their mouths, on their chests, or, as in this case, in the face. Personally, the only place I have ever wanted jizz was in my mouth. I enjoy a load in the mouth from my lover, but the thought of it in my hair or my nose makes me not want to have sex ever again!
Even the best laid plans sometimes go awry. Sex is awkward. If you have ever fallen from a bed, or get hit by an elbow in the face, you will understand what I mean.
Although I am using the example of a facial, there are other, unintentional activities that can end up with cum in your eyes. Imagine going down on your partner and pulling him out of your mouth when he warns you of an impending explosion, and one of those unidirectional squirts hit you in the face, and eyes. Well, that probably wasn’t planned. If you didn’t want it in your mouth, you probably didn’t want it on your face.
Or what if you are masturbating your partner and are enjoying being close to his penis when he blows his load, and one of the squirts really goes the distance and finds your face? He wasn’t intentionally trying to get cum in your eyes, but what can you do?
Ever watch a porn movie where the actress gets a load of cum in the eyes and can barely continue with the script? You can sometimes tell in her face that cum-in-the-eye was NOT in the script.
Sexual mishaps do happen. Ask any man about the pain involved of hard stroking and slightly missing the entry point on one stroke, feeling his penis fold in half. It is an “ouch” that women won’t understand.
Men typically don’t have the best aim (not that men don’t try to aim; the penis doesn’t always cooperate – for the same reason women don’t want men peeing through the toilet seat!). Whether it be urinating or ejaculating, men do not have control of the stream – regardless of what they try to convince you.
So that bad aim, or your willingness to take a facial brought an “oops” to the activities. Or as the saying goes, “it is all fun and games until someone gets cum in their eye”.
From a danger perspective, getting semen or “cum” in the eye isn’t necessarily harmful (you aren’t going to die). You can tell there is a “but” in there somewhere … and there is. But ….
One person I asked told me it “stings really bad” … another non-cum-in-the-face-fan told me it “hurt like hell!”.
By now, you are probably wondering what is in a man’s ejaculate: sugar, enzymes, acids, proteins, minerals and vitamins. All of which won’t bother you when swallowed. But we are talking now about your sensitive eyes.
Any foreign irritating substance in your eyes can generate symptoms such as burning, tearing (watery eyes), light sensitivity, redness, blurry vision, and a desire to keep your eyes closed. Part of that because if you see your partner that sprayed in your eyes you might want to knock him out!
What you probably haven’t considered is that your eyes “absorb” things. When you put eye drops in your eyes, did you ever think of where they went? Your eyes absorbed them.
Unfortunately, a virus or bacteria can also enter your body through the absorption mechanism of your eyes.
If your partner has gonorrhea or chlamydia, these STIs / STDs can be passed to you through your eyes. Technically, they would be present as conjunctivitis or an “Ocular STI”, which would present as an inflammation in the infected eye.
If it happens and cum gets into your eyes, don’t panic; don’t freak. There are a few things you must do to clean your eyes. The longer the cum stays in your eyes, the WORSE the symptoms will become.
Avoid rubbing your eyes. Your natural reaction will be to rub. Fight it.
Wash your eye repeatedly with lukewarm water. You can do it yourself with a gentle stream in the shower, or in the sink by splashing water into your eyes. You can use bottled water if you wish, but MAKE CERTAIN it has no flavors or bubbles! Plain water only.
If you have saline solution, you should use it instead of regular water. How long to rinse? Most doctor suggest rinsing your eyes for at least 20 minutes.
And I don’t think I really need to say this, but just in case … DO NOT USE SOAP!
You will find that your eyes will start producing a lot of tears. That is normal as your eyes are trying to flush the irritant out.
Your eyes will likely be red and irritated for a few hours. If it is still red and sore the next day, you will need to see a doctor.
It is definitely possible to get chlamydia conjunctivitis after an incident of semen in the eye if your partner has the STD. Here is an official study confirming.
The bad news is that TECHNICALY, you can contract herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, C, and even HIV, from infected semen in your eyes.
Ocular herpes will start out mild, but will evolve into a very severe infection, that can damage your eye, and potentially damage your sight. Yes, it is serious.
After your eyes have improved, you have a decision to make. Unless this was a monogamous relationship, you should consider getting an STD test; and repeat it 3 months later.
Remember that the eyes are easier to infect. If you want or like facials, do your best to keep your eyes closed. Teach your partner to give advance notice so that there isn’t a possibility to get cum in your eyes.
Iphone Sex. Sexting will soon come to a new level. Now, you write sexy thoughts back and forth and when you need to relieve yourself, you go find your vibrator and a private place. Well, IZIVIBE is trying to make this entire process more convenient by creating a vibrating device that attached to your iphone and uses the vibration of the app to please the recipient. It is the latest and most unique iphone sex item on the market!
According to Remy Waddle, the product manager, there is only a prototype right now, but the company has a crowd funding account and is trying to fund the manufacturing process so these can be found in stores in the future. The idea is to clip on the device and use the phones vibrations to vibrate the device, but it comes with various additional options to control it. One option is seven vibration modes and speeds. Other options include remote control via a partner’s app and other customization options.
It may seem as though there would be sanitation issues, but Waddle has this problem covered with the protective splash guard type window that will keep the phone clean. There are no details on how this screen works and if it is part of the attachment, or part of the phone, but be on the lookout for this product and more details will follow as the design process evolves. It probably wouldn’t be found in the local Apple Stores (Apple is not too keen on iphone sex toys), but not to worry, there will be places these items will call home.
Yes, you are using the case of your iphone as a dildo. You insert the long, phallus shape of the case, and the vibration is passed from the phone's controls. I don't think you want to say, "I'm having sex with my iphone", but I always believed that there were those people who loved their iphone a little TOO much!
These hypoallergenic products will be made of medical silicone, and be free of the 
cancer causing chemical, phthalate. If you want to turn your iphone into a fun and safe good time, rest assured! This product will hopefully hit the shelves of stores in June 2016, but until then, people will have to use their smart phones as smart phones and vibrators separately. Iphone sex will have to wait until the product really hits the market.
"Really Mom, it is the latest craze in Iphone cases! It is designed to look like a paintbrush! And it is so cool to hold it by the handle. I can even use it as an aspergillum".
Here is what I want to know and I'm sure I am not the only one. Is this a "handle" or a "dildo". Is it a "phone case" or a "sex toy". Is it a "sexual device" or a "phone accessory". I bet you didn't think about that. Depending on how this item is classified, it can be sold to children; and I am not sure how you are going to get away with this being anything but a "phone case" and NOT an age restricted sale. I expect to see this phone accessory sold in all the kiosks at the mall soon!
You are at a public place, you get thirsty, what do you do? You grab a dollar and head to the closest soda vending machine. What happens when you are in a public place and get horny? Most people contain themselves. BUT, in life there are always exceptions. What if you could just grab your debit card and head to the closest sex toy vending machine? You could slide your card, press the option for the dildo and lube of your choice, and head to the closest bathroom around – instant gratification.
Instant gratification, by means of kinky sex toy vending machines, has been around for years, outside of America. Chances are, if you have been to London, Spain, or Italy, you have either seen or used a sex toy vending machine. Public bathrooms, bars, salons, stores and nightclubs in London have welcomed vending machines which sell items like pocket vibrators for approximately 5 pounds ($8.80 US).
In Japan … well what can I say, it is Japan. You can buy just about anything legal from a vending machine, including (allegedly) used panties worn by school girls. Yep. Not kidding.
If you have been to a train station in Italy, you may have picked up condoms, edible underwear, or vibrators from a vending machine. Although many people in Italy are fighting to ban these, they are currently available.
Spanish hotels and street-contained “cubby holes” are notorious for hosting sex toy vending 
machines. Walking down the street, you may look to the side and see an opening filled with vending machines that contain soda, chips, other snacks, and sex toys. These machines are in plain site (if you look close enough) and are available without any age restrictions.
In the USA however, states do not currently contain sex toy vending machines. Philadelphia PA, however, has joined its international friends and decided to welcome the addition of a sex toy vending machine called "Pink Box". The Pink Box has made its debut in various unannounced locations throughout Philadelphia. These boxes sell condoms, lube, dildos, and other sexy merchandise.
It will be interesting to follow this story as sexual devices around the USA are banned from being in the "public display" where persons of all ages can view. Think back to Playboy and the other adult magazines – and how much trouble they had getting their magazines on the shelves of 7-11 and more. The magazines lost to the moral majority and were not displayed publicly – or were required to have special covers preventing any image from being seen.
In states across the USA, adult stores have fought hard over the display laws. This fight has spilled over to the mainstream world when Spenser's employees were arrested for unlawful display of sexual devices. South Dakota, Mississippi, Illinois, Florida, and many other states have lashed out against the public display of sex toys and the unchecked ability of minors to purchase sex toys. Allowing a minor to purchase sex toys in some states is a felony that requires Sex Offender's Registration!
I think it is going to be a long time before we see it happen, but loosen your belt, America, a sex toy vending machine may be coming to a town near you sooner than you think. And if the providers of the vending machines can stay in adult venues (nightclubs requiring over 18 or over 21 to enter), then they might get away with it.
But I wouldn't expect to see any at the local skating rink.
Take a look at this advertisement from 
India, where a man appears to buy a woman (or sex robot in the future!) from a vending machine.
In the USA, this campaign would have caused so much protest and outrage the company would have probably gone out of business!
RedTape is a shoe company, by the way … go figure!
Ever wonder what it feels like to have sex with porn stars like Carmen Luvana, Lex Steele, Nina Hartley, Rocco Siffredi, Farrah Abraham, and others? Whether you want a pussy, ass, or Double D knockers, or a huge and perfect cock replica, you can score your needs with authentically copied products, molded straight from the porn star’s actual body. Yes, boys and girls its true, you can have the perfect topco pornstar pussy mold sextoy if you want!
When you see a Topco molded sex toy, you may wonder if the pictures of celebrities are just to increases sales. Sure the image may help increase sales, but it doesn’t stop there. The porn star on the box is also in the box. Topco’s items are authentically replicated from real vaginas, penises, breasts, and asses of the actual person on the box. So somewhere in LA, there is a room full of topco porn star pussy mold and cock molds! What a story that room could tell!
Molding a perfect hard cock, complete with the details of the vein and bumps on skin takes preparation, time, and at least a 15-minute hard on. While some stars rely on the help of visual aids, or a mate—others are just naturally able to hold their erection. The erect dick is measured prior to molding in order to make the most accurate final product. A pancake batter-like molding solution is poured into a special container and it is placed over the erection, until the batter begins to harden. Once the batter is stiff enough to maintain the shape, the hard penis is removed from the solution. The mold is measured and if there is a discrepancy between the true size and the mold, changes are made to the mold before using it for the final pour.
Women can have sex on the molding table right before the batter is poured on their pussy, to ensure the proper size of their vagina during sexual engorgement. The best position to gather the best angle of the pussy is to have the woman lie on her back, with her legs straight up the air, open wide. After she climaxes, warm batter is poured over her vagina and she takes molding position.
If her ass is being molded for Topco’s “Doggy Style Pet Pussy and Ass” product, she gets into doggy style positioning, after orgasm and warm batter is spread all over her ass and into her pussy. She remains in position for approximately 15 minutes. When the batter hardens, the hard shape is removed. The breast molds are the least involved, but are best taken while the nipples are wet, cold, or aroused, to ensure realistic and perky results. Batter is poured all over her breasts and left to harden. When hard, the molded form is pulled from her body.
Once the topco pornstar pussy mold is formed, they are used to pour the solution in to create the actual sex toys, such as the Farrah Abraham sex toys line. Once the toys are pulled from the mold, each one is sent to skilled artists and craftsmen to be hand-painted. These craftsmen and artists paint each item by hand, while they capture the exact skin tone and details of each piece. The result is a finished product, made with the most realistic feeling material, molded from the actual person you may be watching on t.v. while you are in or on them in the privacy of your own home.
Want to make your own dildo? Easy! Want to know what it is like to clone a pussy? Your pussy maybe? Not quite as easy but certainly possible. Clone a willy and clone a pussy kits are available that let you create a replica of your own body part. With clone a willy, you can obtain a fully usable copy cock! Just like in the professional molds, veins and bumps will be seen and felt just as the real thing.
Clone a pussy is easy to do but is not usable without some unique add on features. As long as the vagina is shaved smooth, the molding batter can be poured over the vagina lips and allowed to dry. That will allow you to have a mold of the outer portion of your vagina. But to actually have sex with the copy of your vagina, it would need to be attached to another toy. That is where the difficulties arise.
But to solve that issue, Clone A Pussy created a “chocolate vagina pussy mold”. So instead of planning to have intercourse with the mold, your partner (or you if you are so inclined!) can lick your vagina until it melts away in your mouth!
In action: topco pornstar pussy mold
“You won a Dildo Throne!” Would definitely be an odd addition to a seemingly normal day. Ralph Jones may not have heard those exact words, but at the end of the day, it was a fact that he was a proud owner of 6’ x 4’ x 3.5’ massive iron throne that is accented with 200 dildos. Ralph Jones did accept the prize, and took it home. He even un-wrapped it from the original packaging and sat on it. These actions made the item “slightly used”
It seems that after three months, the Game of Thrones dildo throne has worn out its welcome in Ralph Jone’s small house. It was so 
unwelcome, that he made a video, rented a storage and posted the item on e-bay. This well-endowed throne was posted for a mere 659 pounds ($1030 USD) He placed this item in storage and hoped a person would purchase it for a display, or décor for a large house or business. This throne was not for tiny spaces! It was advised that the buyer not use the dildos for sexual pleasure. It is unknown if he used the dildos himself or not. Maybe he marked the territory before he posted it for sale, and maybe “gently used” means more than unwrapped and sat on. Nobody knows, so buyer beware. Did it sell? Evidence of a sale could not be found, and an updated article regarding the outcome of the Game of Thrones Dildo Throne could not be found.
This could be a great add on feature to the Brian McNaughton "Throne of Bones" series; it could feed a sex-hungry ghoulish-community of 200! If it did not have a buyer, it could have been disassembled and donated to the less fortunate, sex-deprived people in America. A dildo a day keeps a depression away. It seems this throne is a gluttonous display, when there are many people out there that would love a free dildo.
O.k., maybe not, but we hope this iron throne got purchased by someone. It is too unique to be stashed in a storage somewhere.
Breaking News Today! Condoms are wonderful things, when used properly. Put it on, stick it in and rhythmically rock the time away until you explode in ecstasy, and take it off. This is a happy ending, in more ways than one. Some condom users aren’t so lucky because they only get one happy ending for their dicks—which may lead to a not-so happy ending later in life.
A broken condom is a very scary thing. If a woman is unsure of the cleanliness of the man she is rage-fully riding, a broken condom can lead to fears of incurable diseases. Breaking News Today! If a girl is in her fertile time, a broken condom can lead to fears of pregnancy. For some women, both of these fears can be haunting at the same time. As for men, they have the same fears—disease and lifelong fathering responsibilities (ie: 40% wage garnisment for life!). One horny moment of pleasure can ruin the rest of your life. Sex is a scary thing, if jumped into without proper actions.
Condoms are available to teenagers very easily. They buy them, and use them, which makes them responsible, right? Not necessarily. Ripping open a box and rolling one on and jamming it in, without even looking at the instructions or warnings could lead to scary results. But who reads the package and the inserts? Do you? I never have, but then I felt that I knew everything there was to know about the user of a condom.
Teen boys aren’t so knowledgeable, yet they aren’t going to read the package either. We are lucky they opened a condom package to begin with and plan to use it. But they really do NOT know how to use a condom properly. Although many condoms state on the package that they “are lubricated”, it usually isn’t enough – especially for those with limited experiences and limited sexual practice.
Teen boys don’t realize that their sexual partner is likely experiencing fear and trepidation — both of which are known to stop the female sexual glands from lubricating as designed. Boys also confuse “dryness” with “tightess’ (or as one of my conceited friends explained, it is not because it was tight, it was because it was “full”).
A dry vagina can lead to a ripped condom* and in an excited, young teen male, any action could result in orgasm. Lack of sexual opportunities and lack of safe and hurried time and places create a level of wonder-lust that only a teen boy can understand.
Teens need to be educated on the warning of not using proper lubrication with condoms. They are fed the information of, “it is safe if you wear a condom”, when they are not told that they could be doing it wrong. Perhaps this should be part of sexual education — because no one else can “educate” them. Underage boys and girls are prohibited from going into sex stores where this information is freely and regularly distributed.
They can read on the internet about condom breakage, but that means nothing when they are in the heat-of-passion and an opportunity for sexual interaction occurs. Boys understand that when they are excited, they are erect; and they think that when girls want to have sex, they are wet. Unfortunately there are few steps in there that they missed.
Perhaps every condom manufacturer should include small tubes of lube and easy, fast photo instructions with large, red warnings near them. But even that creates new problems.
Most small lube packages (called “pillow packs” or samplers) are made of hard plastic with rigid corners, which can poke a hole in the condom when kept in the same pocket. Take a look at the edges of the same to the left — they really are as sharp as they look.
A few manufacturers have created new packaging which is friendlier to pockets and condoms in the pocket. Sliquid, a very good 
natural and pure lubricant that women are flocking to, has created new packing that is the size of a condom package and is made of foil. This design allows it to be carried with the condom without any worry of damage to the condom.
But there is still a problem. Breaking News Today — Teen boys aren’t buying their condoms at sex shops. They are at the corner drug store; the condom machine at the gas station; or Wal-Mart if they can stand the stares at the register. And to be the best of my knowledge, there are no mini foil packages of lube being sold at those locations.
What does that leave? The lube on the condom because there will be nothing else. Of course there is “spit”, which we don’t like to suggest although it is proven safe and healthy. But I am willing to take anything I can to decrease condom breakage.
*There are many reasons for condom breakage, but improper lubrication is one of the biggest factors.
A man purchased a penis pump from a local adult store in a Minnesota town in hopes of procuring a bigger cock. This is a normal occurrence for most sex stores. Normally, when people purchase merchandise, they only return to buy more. This day was a unique one for the clerk who returned in a fit of rage to demand a new product, after putting this product to use.
His request was refused and he held a pistol to the clerk’s head, grabbed a new product and flew out the door with his self-led exchange. A police report was filed, but they store doesn't have video (WTF?) and had no further information on the suspect. One report showed the suspect "remains at large", however, if the penis pump didn't work, I would question their use of the word "LARGE"! And for clarity, I don't know if it was a Glock, buy hey, why not!
The returned product was a penis pump, and he claimed that it did not work and he wanted an item swap. Ew!! Let’s see, the man put his naked, sweaty penis into this merchandise, and just expects the clerk to swap it out? We don’t know this man’s penis or the medical history of his penis, and even if we did, we DON'T CARE!. It is unsanitary to expect the clerk to even touch that box, much less accept it into the store with open arms. "The pump mechanism worked", the man said, "but I don't have a bigger cock.".
The clerk stated the problem was operator error. Regardless of the merchandise being faulty or operator error, the store should never accept returns on toy (but LoveWorks does and then throws the toys away; but that is a topic for another day). . It isn’t a “gently used” consignment store called Slop and Swap. Get serious, dude—man up and accept your losses. (EDITOR: At LoveWorks, our staff never says that. We will do our best to make our customer happy, including taking the loss. But I agree with Aunt Helen, stores shouldn't be taking toys back. Less scrupulous stores with super-easy return policies could very well be re-selling returned toys).
It seems the pump enlarged his balls and gave him the nerve to storm into an adult store to try to return a used penis pump. It also seemed to have turned the entire being into a dick, and the clerk should have told him the product worked because HE was a bigger cock than before. This product is so amazing, it not only pumps the penis, but it makes you one! It also gives you large cajones! Five stars for the penis pump.
It appears that the US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) has its points of contention with regards to Comfyballs men’s underwear.
Anders Selvig, the founder of a Norwegian brand known as Comfyballs attempted to register his company name in the USA (after successfully doing this is 22 nations), but he couldn’t apply as a men’s underwear company.
The USPTO said Comfyballs was excessively indecent.
“Registration is denied on the grounds that the applied for mark comprises of or incorporates indecent or scandalous matter,” the office replied, declining Comfyballs’ application because of its use of, well, balls in its name.
The Great Wrongdoer!
“The use of “balls” in this context is used instead of the word “testicles””, the USPTO said. “The thought behind the mark is that a man’s testicles will be agreeable in the applicant’s goods. Tragically, the term “balls” has an obscene meaning to a substantial composition of hte general plublic.”
The USPTO cited the Random House dictionary’s meaning of “balls” as being inappropriate in this context, and also the negative response to Ben and Jerry’s Schweddy Balls ice cream flavor.
[EDITORS NOTE: Although Ben & Jerry were mentioned with “Schweddy Balls”, they get NO credit for it. The term was made popular by one of the top 10 Saturday Night Live skits in history, which starred Alec Baldwin. I have added the video to the bottom of the post, (video was taken down by NBC and doesn’t allow viewing in the USA!) and if you have never seen it, you should take 5 minutes and watch. Your eyes will be wet with tears as Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon do everything possible to make the other actors begin to laugh. It is obvious when watching that it took every bit of concentration for them to stay in character. This is the only Alec Baldwin skit I like, so if you aren’t a Baldwin fan, try watching this one anyway.]
That was 2013, yet the brand didn’t surrender. They registered once more, this time as a women’s underwear brand, and the USPTO issued their certificate that month, for a registered trademark.
“This is a reference point for us, a little bit strange perhaps,” Selvig told in an email. “As English is not our local dialect, we thoroughly comprehend that the USPTO may have been right on the assumed perceived vulgarity of our men’s underwear application, yet a layman all over could surely contend that Comfyballs for women’s underwear is similarly or more vulgar than the same for men.”
So comfyballs has a Registered Trademark (and uses the R in a circle); but must use the “TM” for their men’s line. What is really funny is they do NOT HAVE a women’s line at this time!
“In parallel with realizing that we wouldn’t have the capacity to enlist for men’s underwear, we were building up another women’s line,” Selvig stated, adding that the trademark obstacle didn’t restrict him from marketing Comfyballs in the US – and conceded that he held off on a major launch, trusting he’d get more buzz on the name controversy!
“We strongly trust that it establishes our platform better from the get go to have such registration. A federal registration establishes our ownership of the mark and our exclusive right to utilize the trademark across the nation, and we can record it with US Customs to stall the importation of infringing goods,” Selvig said.