According to the results of a survey from Chapman University in California, short men between 5’2 and 5’4 had fewer sex partners than their taller counterparts.
There were two reasons the statisticians felt this to be accurate. First, women have a “minimum height” threshold and that is usually equal to their height. According to other related studies, women do not want to date short men who are shorter than them. That reduces the number of potential sex partners. This forum has comments from girls who agree with that statement.
Katie, 18 years old from Toronto Ontario says, short guys just don’t do it for me. I am pretty tall myself so a tall guy is a must.
Shantia, 21 years old from Philadelphia says, I feel a lot more protected with a taller guy.
And second, other studies have shown that “height signals dominance, physical (and hence heritable) fitness, and social status to women who are seeking sex partners.” That means the short guys are a no-go.
A surprising fall-out from the study — SKINNY GUYS and the extreme obese guys have fewer sex partners than the guys in the middle. They defined “skinny guys” as “underweight”, but I never imagined that over-weight to slightly obese guys were getting laid more than skinny guys.
What about the skinny girls? They also had fewer sex partners but the researchers hypothesized this could have been intentional:
The first, he said, is that “underweight women are choosier because they’re in a position to be choosier.” In other words, if society deems underweight women more attractive than heavier women, those women can be more selective on the mating market.
Acording to the results of a survey from Chapman University in California, short men between 5’2 and 5’4 had fewer sex partners than their taller counterparts.
There were two reasons the statisticians felt this to be accurate. First, women have a “minimum height” threshold and that is usually equal to their height. According to other related studies, women do not want to date short men who are shorter than them. That reduces the number of potential sex partners. This forum has comments from girls who agree with that statement.
Katie, 18 years old from Toronto Ontario says, short guys just don’t do it for me. I am pretty tall myself so a tall guy is a must.
Shantia, 21 years old from Philadelphia says, I feel a lot more protected with a taller guy.
And second, other studies have shown that “height signals dominance, physical (and hence heritable) fitness, and social status to women who are seeking sex partners.” That means the short guys are a no-go.
A surprising fall-out from the study — SKINNY GUYS and the extreme obese guys have fewer sex partners than the guys in the middle. They defined “skinny guys” as “underweight”, but I never imagined that over-weight to slightly obese guys were getting laid more than skinny guys.
What about the skinny girls? They also had fewer sex partners but the researchers hypothesized this could have been intentional:
The first, he said, is that “underweight women are choosier because they’re in a position to be choosier.” In other words, if society deems underweight women more attractive than heavier women, those women can be more selective on the mating market.
For the past few months, I have been commenting about how sex toys have gone mainstream. Television shows, grocery stores and pharmacies, movies, online news all feature sex toys. This is something that wouldn't have happened 10 years ago.
Think about this: a major fast food chain (Burther King) giving away free sex toys. NEVER in my life could I have imagined such a thing. Sex Toys in a happy meal box. Wow. I still can't believe I am using the words "free sex toys" and "Burger King" in the same sentence.
French Fries and a French Tickler. Now that is a happy meal.
This promotion even confused SNOPES who reported that it appeared to be "partially true" and "partially false". There are no pictures on the net of anyone buying the product. Which is a good indicator that the deal was fake. With all of the social media around the world, had this been a valid event, someone would have "checked in" and taken selfies with their Happy Adult Meal with free sex toys!
Even giant Playboy fell for it and began posting about it!
This is genious marketing. "Burger King" is trending as the most talked about topic world wide right now because of this. And it is perfect timing, because Burger King announced it was considering the purchase of POPEYES FRIED CHICKEN.
Having people talk about you and share your name and log millions of times for NOTHING … that is genious marketing. Yes, our world is now filled with "fake news" — but look at what happens when fake news catches wind — it flies like a kite in the air.
I found this video in English. But it is a knock-off of the original video on the Israeli Burger King Facebook page.
Although we don't have any free sex toys, be sure to visit LoveWorks Sex Toys Online for a super selection of the sex toys you won't find in a Burger King Happy Meal.
Simple Explanation: A male chastity cage or chastity belt is a device that, in its most simple form, physically locks up the penis preventing it from being used. It is also called a penis cage, cock cage or chastity belt.
But male chastity cages, their use, and their loyal following — aren’t that simple to explain. There is much more that goes with a male chastity belt (also called a “cock cage”) than just a padlock.
To be clear, a male chastity cage as I am writing about, contains a lock and prevents most access to the penis. Some people lump other products into “cock cages” but they do so in error as the other items are usually “cock and ball torture” devices rather than penis cages.
Anyone new to role play, fantasy play, or just starting to experiment with bondage, ask the same questions. First is always “WHY?” And second is “How is this enjoyable?”
Locking up the penis and depriving the male of masturbation or orgasms is rooted deep in the twisted history of sex regulations. There are documented drawings of chastity cages and “anti-nocturnal emission devices” from the 16th century.
Why we have had such a fixation with declaring all sex and sexual acts as “bad” and “dangerous” to society is something I will never understand. But we did – and we still do.
Religion and sex, although an interesting use of two words in once sentence, has provided the catalyst for most of the anti-sex sentiments we have experienced. Priests and nuns were supposed to be celibate for life: no sex and no self-pleasure.
Buddhist monks in early days, lived their lives in chastity, and chose to live isolated and secluded from other people and temptations of life and the flesh. Just like everything else, we are learning that the life they professed to living wasn’t sex free. Anyone on Twitter searching for “porn monks” can vouch for that.
Back in the day of adventurers and crusaders, men would go on long voyages of war – leaving their spouse behind to take care of the house and children. As the stories are told, the men didn’t want anyone having sex with their “wimmin”, so they would put them in belts with locks that would only allow urination but not masturbation or intercourse.
The key went with the crusader. I always pondered how long he needed to be gone before the wife called the local locksmith (blacksmith) to remove the lock under the belief that her husband had died in battle.
There is also an “educated” movement that blows my mind – and I’m not talking about the failed abstinence education programs or those who touted purity rings and “virgin until marriage”.
The “#nofap” movement is even worse. Declaring that most men suffer from “porn addiction”, “No Fap” has declared that they help me to “reboot” their sexual desires and to help them to become “masturbation free”.
Yes, they have meetings. “Hi, my name is Dave, and it is has been 430 days since I have masturbated”. All together now: “Hello Dave, you are an idiot, but please keep sending money”.
The theory was to stop men from masturbating and watching porn so they will spend more time being productive.
It is true that I am a non-believer (I’ll take my porn and crank out a big one instead of having a smoke break) – and am shocked that educated people participate in this cult.
I tend to read and post about sex and sexual problems on various forums on a regular basis. I am shocked when I see people talking about their status in the #nofap program. What is that famous quote incorrectly attributed to PT Barnum about “suckers”?
BDSM is about power – being in control and in power of someone else (as a dominant) or surrendering your power to someone else (as a submissive).
Men who choose to participate by wearing chastity cages, do so to surrender their sexual pleasure to their partner. Their partner (whether Mistress or Master) then decide when, if ever, is is allowed to orgasm, have sexual intercourse, or even do something as mundane as cleaning his penis.
What possesses people to want to give up the ability to have sex and orgasms for an extended period of time and actually enjoy this chosen/forced celibacy?
In a way, chastity cages are no different from the chastity belts and harnesses that crusaders allegedly made their wives wear while the men were out fighting. The goal was to keep the wife “loyal” and pure – beholden to her “master”.
One type of male chastity declaration is called “permanent chastity”. In this situation, the submissive male pledges control to his Master or Mistress over the use of his penis for the rest of his life. In other words, he will spend every day forward with his penis locked in a cage.
Although terrifying for me to consider, the submissive is given reprieves for an hour or a day at a time, when the Master or Mistress decides to allow him to participate in sexual intercourse or have an orgasm. Thank you sir, may I have another?
Usually there is no reprieve at the beginning, allowing for the submissive to suffer the most, while learning to accept his fate. It also allows him to experience explosive orgasms once he is allowed.
It takes a very special and committed person to sign over the rights to their penis and sexual satisfaction for the rest of their lives.
In part-time chastity, the couple decide up front the terms and conditions that the submissive will controlled by.
Many of these situations resemble medieval times as the submissive will only be locked in the penis cage while the dominant is away, forcing him to be loyal and beholden just as the crusaders tried to do with their wives.
Having your penis locked up for hours or days is a unique way to demonstrate your loyalty to your sexual partner. Because you can’t stimulate yourself, you find that you build a stronger anticipation and a heightened level of arousal than you would without the cage. Because you can not orgasm or ejaculate, you spend more time imagining the eventual release and power of the explosion you will feel.
Some submissives want to wear the cage because their sex drive is either greater than or less than their dominant, and they choose to allow the dominant to be in control of sex. The cage prevents them from acting on their sex drives, as well as providing them more build up for when they are allowed to go free.
There is a beloved part of dom sex play called “tease and denial” in which the sub is sexually teased unmercifully without allowing him to climax. The teasing may occur on the penis or on other parts of the body. Subs usually are required to please the dom for as long as the dom wants. This activity reminds the sub that sexual pleasure doesn’t apply to him unless he has pleased his dom.
Just like everyone wants to drive a different car, cock cages come in as many different styles. The style of the cage also control what the wearer will experience.
Some cages are designed to provide very uncomfortable pressure on your penis should it become erect – usually because of the unnatural downward angle of the cage.
There are cages that are designed with such a bend that your flaccid penis fits comfortably – but an erection would hurt so much that your body would not continue to allow it.
Some cages have a much larger curve than others, yet all chastity cages should point downward.
The downward slope of the cage can vary from angled away from the body or close to the body. If you are planning to wear it discreetly, you will get the “angled close to the body” style.
By the way, forcing the penis to face downward helps to psychologically remind the wearer that his “erection that points up” is not going to happen.
From a feminization standpoint, men attempting to hide the existence of their penis go a step further and attach a strap which pulls the penis between their legs and toward their anus. This is done every day and permanently causes the penis to bend toward their feet when they get an erection.
Other cages are slight longer than the flaccid penis, because there are small points in the far end of the penis tube, which generate pain if the wearer has an erection while in the cage.
BDSM is not one flavor of “vanilla” – BDSM is more like Baskin-Robbin’s famous “31 flavors”. Because of the variations, explanations are sometimes difficult because different people will choose to live and experience these activities and commitments with different perspectives.
For example, from the perspective of feminization of the submissive, chastity cages provide the submissive with the ways and means to understand what their feminization means. This occurs in both gay and hetero relationships.
Locking up the penis tells the submissive that he will not be providing penetrative sex. The cage does not interfere with access to his anus, reminding him of his position in the relationship.
Some cages have a long tube with a hole in the end, other tubes have slits to allow urine to exit, and other more gentle male chastity belts have a small tip section that swivels open for easy urination.
Unless it is a life-or-death emergency, you will not be standing at a urinal to pee. You are going to go in a stall and sit on the toilet. Wearers must be vigilant and wipe the cage after urination otherwise they will drip in their pants, potentially showing the world they pissed in their pants.
Submissives with cages that do not fit correctly will find urinating to be a miserable experience as they are unable to direct their stream out of the slit as the cage fits wrong. Because of that, the urine will bounce off of the end of the tube and soak the penis and balls.
And that is both a part of the feminization (must sit to pee) and the humiliation (showing other people that you pee on yourself) that excite penis cage users. It also becomes a reminder of their situation because they can see and hear men at the urinal, but they aren’t able to join that club because their Master or Mistress has told them they don’t belong in that club anymore.
Every few weeks, the cage should be removed and both the cage and the penis well cleaned. There are different beliefs about cleaning and I have read many instances where cleaning does not occur for months.
Part of the reasoning that people use as not removing the cage to clean is the perceived effectiveness of showers in removing the dried urine and other leftovers. That still doesn’t allow for a full cleaning, especially if the cage worn more tightly.
When most of us get excited, unless we are sitting in public, we are likely to masturbate if it is convenient and safe. Many of us grew up with masturbation as a relaxation method.
Even if we are not masturbating, most men tend to rub themselves when excited, over their clothes or not. This action is innate – and infants are known to do the same thing.
The cage is like having someone slap your hand and tell you “no”. There is nothing you can do to stroke yourself at that moment. You have no choice but to continue to get or be excited with no way of release. Your only option is to look forward to the time when you are allowed to orgasm.
As I stated above, all you can do is look forward to being able to orgasm because you do not have the control – your “right to sexual enjoyment” has been temporarily taken away.
When you are given permission to remove the cage and experience sexual activities and eventual orgasm/ejaculation, you will find these experiences to be much more intense than a “normal” orgasm.
A male chastity belt often increased your sex drive. That seems counter-intuitive, but cock cage users repeatedly state that they have more arousal and more sexual desire, because they are unable to release their pent up desire and start over as most of us do.
When you have sexual desire and release it through intercourse or masturbation, you then start over at “zero” on the arousal scale. If you aren’t allowed to experience the release, your arousal continues to climb upward on the scale.
More advanced BDSM includes the “training” of your submissive; as well as administering awards, rewards, and punishment.
Masters and Mistresses use training to teach what will be acceptable as good behavior and to punish or discourage what they define as bad behavior. Masturbation and unrestrained sexual satisfaction is usually part of that “bad behavior” that won’t be tolerated.
When you lock your car or your home, it is because it belongs to you and you don’t want anyone else to have access. A big padlock is a sign that “this isn’t yours” – “it is mine”.
A male chastity belt represents that same “ownership” and control. A Master or Mistress is laying claim to the penis, letting everyone else know that it taken and is off limits.
More importantly, it tells the submissive that their dick and their sexual happiness is no longer under their control.
Unless Simon is the name of your Master or Mistress, nothing Simon says actually matters. What does matter is that both of you agree to and understand the creation of a safe word and what a safe word represents.
Those who wear a penis cage for multiple days usually do so without the dominant nearby. The submissive has agreed that removal of the cage without permission will be met with stern punishment.
If there is an unusual circumstance such as a swelling or severe rash that has begun to form, the submissive can contact the dominant and give the explanation and the safe word indicating that it is a serious enough event to warrant removal of the device.
Well, not really, as you can’t visit an adult store and ask to try on the various cock cages to see which one fits. A novel idea, but who would want to try it on after you and 32 other guys have tried it on? Eww.
Penis cages vary in cost from $29 to $200, depending on the material, style, quality and product design.
Quality stainless steel, high quality polycarbonate plastic, titanium metal or top grade silicone are the materials you should be looking for in a toy. Each material has its pluses and minuses.
Plastic is the most common and the most lightweight, and consequently is the cheapest. It is also the easiest to remove in an emergency as simple wire snips will remove the locking mechanism. Plastic doesn’t have the same level of heat transfer as other materials.
The more user friendly and temperature friendly material is silicone, as it warms up faster and is more flexible for movement and other body activity. In case of an emergency, it can be cut off with a good pair of scissors.
Stainless or Titanium are much heavier and bulkier, and provides a better reminder that they are under the control of someone else.
Metal cages are the most difficult to get out of in case of an emergency. I’m guessing that this would add to the humiliation factor that cock cages provide, if one were to get in a car accident and the Emergency Room staff must call the fire department to cut off the penis cage for treatment.
It is best to stay away from leather cock restraints as it is difficult to clean or sterilize as the leather is a very porous material.
Male chastity belts lock with either a padlock (usually made of metal); a built-in locking mechanism (usually made of metal); cinch seals (similar to a wire tie) but has a serial number on it to show whether it has been changed; and also a “disposable tamper padlock”, which is the small padlock-looking device that secures your electric meter. Although more expensive, there are also timer padlocks that allow the sub to be released at a certain time.
You will find that there aren’t a lot of choices when purchasing different size cock cages. Most cages are designed for the “average” guy. Unusually large or small will often find difficulty in find a cock cage that fits well.
THE BIG RING must fit around the top of your scrotum (a fancy word for your nut sack) and around the base of your penis.
There are two types of rings – hinged and not hinged (fixed). Hinged rings are much easier to work with.
It must be loose enough to allow circulation but tight enough to ensure that it won’t fall off. Use a string to measure or a cloth measuring tape like those found at fabric stores.
This ring is binding the top of your nut sack and the base of your penis. Think of it as the retaining ring.
THE PENIS CHAMBER LENGTH is the solid or caged sleeve where your penis is to be placed. Your FLACCID penis. Measure your flaccid penis from the base to the tip and then measure the cock cage to give an estimate if you will fit.
The cage is intended to make erections uncomfortable, telling your body to stop sending blood.
If the chamber is too short, you will be pressing up against the edge, which is not comfortable and can chafe the skin on the head of your penis.
Nighttime erections should be uncomfortable. If you awaken with a painful nighttime erection, take the cage off to prevent penile damage. It is possible that the cage is the wrong size.
If the chamber is too long, you will be pissing on yourself because your urethra is too far from the opening of the penis cage.
As you choose, remember some chambers are solid, which do not allow air flow nor do they allow anything to touch the penis.
Other chambers are true cage designs, kind of like a jail cell, allowing for good ventilation.
THE DIAMETER OF YOUR PENIS when flaccid should be measured. Diameter means the measurement across the top of your flaccid penis.
The chamber should be slightly larger than your penis diameter, to allow air spaces and prevent chafing, but tight enough not to encourage an erection.
In most circumstances, it doesn’t matter whether the sub is circumcised or not, although uncircumcised subs might have more difficulty urinating through the opening if their skin completely covers their urethra.
And for the advanced user … some male chastity belts come with a urethral sound or probe that is inserted into the urethra as part of the lock.
Trim! If you allow your pubic hair to grow, you will experience pulling and pinching of the hair in the cage. If the pain is part of your plan, then go for it – otherwise trim your pubic hair often.
A male chastity belt or cock cage is not for everyone. Chastity play requires open communication and either a submissive male or a male that is to be taught submission.
Always be careful. Read the guides and learn how to use male chastity devices carefully.
Remember, if you really want to keep something of value, LOCK IT UP. Even Beyonce says “put a ring on it”. I wonder if she really meant cock cage but they wouldn’t let her sing about it.
According to the law in Jamaica, "sexual intercourse under the Sexual Offences Act is penetration of the vagina of one person by the penis of another person". The United Nations, wants to change that.
The old debate about anal sex has been resurrected with a United Nations (UN) recommendation that Jamaica's Parliament approve a redefinition of sexual intercourse to add penetration of the mouth or anus in order to fairly protect men and women against sexual violence.
Why does the UN get involved on the definition of sexual intercourse? Shouldn't they be taking care of a lot more important things? As a country, we are getting fucked right now but you don't see the UN offering us any pain killer, now do you?
Back to Jamaica: The local church lobbying group, representing the Jamaica Calition for a Healthy Society (JCHS) and the Associated Gospel Assemblies (AGA) is doing everything they can to reject the proposal to change the law on sexual intercourse.
Wayne West, head of the JCHS, said that the proposal disregards the 'biology of sex' and promotes the 'gay agenda'.
Like West, the AGA's first vice-president, the Reverend Peter Garth, insists that the redefinition to include anal sex is a route to legalise same-sex marriage in Jamaica. He said that an "honest" medical doctor would admit that that form of penetration is unhealthy.
"I believe anal penetration is wrong in 2017 and anal penetration will still be wrong in the year 3000," he said.
The UN arguments is that only women can be raped under the law in Jamaica (which carries a penalty of up to life in prison).
Boys can be "buggered" and their assailants charged with "buggery" which only carries up to 7 years in prison.
"There is need for this broader protection of rights of men and women and it ought to be gender neutral. Rape is rape. Right now, a male child who is buggered, no one under our law committed the act of rape against him," argued Harrison Henry.
Which is an extremely misleading statement designed to instill anger in readers. He makes the statement as if anyone who has anal intercourse with a boy against his will can't be charged. That is not the situation — they can and are charged with Buggery.
The Jamaican Gay lobby had their opinion as well …
JFLAG have dismissed critics of the proposal.
"Protecting men and women from rape should not be controversial. The same groups opposing this common-sense reform are also arguing to maintain archaic marital rape exceptions that allow married men to rape their wives," said Rodje Malcolm, JFJ's advocacy manager
According to JFLAG's Glenroy Murray, it is "unfortunate" that Christian critics are taking a position that gives greater significance to some sexual violence over others.
It was a question I didn’t know to ask when I was a kid and watching Penelope Pitstop driving her pussycat compact. But among her driving “tools” was the VIBRATOR clearly marked on the dash-board-giant-geer-shift-thing!
As an adult watching the cartoon, you wonder why any writer included a VIBRATOR in Penelope Pitstop’s car. Because we all know what a vibrator is for … right?? And how does that belong in a cartoon?
So the first thing I had to do was find out what the “vibrator” function actually did in her car. According to some commenters, shifting into “vibrator mode” caused Penelope Pitsop’s driver-chair to begin vibrating like a relaxation or massage chair.
I had forgotton that Penelope Pitstop’s car was equipped like a mobile beauty salon. In one of the clips, a mechanical hand comes out and applies lipstick to our female star. There was also a hair dryer and make-up choices in the beauty gear shift.
So I guess it should be no surprise that she had a vibrator right?
The episode that the vibrator is shown is “Speeding for Smogland/Race Rally to Raleigh”, officially referred to as “Wacky Races – Season 1, Episode 14”. If you didn’t notice, they really liked illiterations (Dick Dastardly, Professor Pat Pending).
I wasn’t able to find a free version of the cartoon anywhere — as each episode is available for “only $1.99 each”. I wasn’t interested in paying.
As I was writing this, I kept thinking about WHY the cartoon producer would install a vibrator in the pussycat compact. Then it was back to searching and I found my answer.
According to a die-hard fan of Penelope Pitstop, when she activated the “vibrator” option, a belt wrapped around her waist and started vibrating. It wasn’t a vibrating seat like other commenters have said.
And then, I received an email from a post I had made about Penelope, who informed me that a strap did indeed pop out and lock around Penelope’s waist, but it was a second seat belt, because when she choose the “vibrator” option, the entire car vibrated — or as he put it — bounced up and down vigorously!
That was when it hit me. The fat jiggling machines. Well, that is what they were actually referred to among those that didn’t like them.
It was the 60’s. You went to a beauty parlor, stepped onto a machine, put a belt around your waist and turned the machine on. As you held on, the vibration was supposed to help you lose weight.
So THAT is why they did it. Wasn’t it better when you thought Penelope Pitstop had one of the THOSE kinds of vibrators?
Now I wonder if Mark Martin had a vibrator in his car; I mean, he DID drive the Viagra car, right??
I checked online, and we don’t sell the pussycat vibrator; but we do sell the pussycat glasses and moustache for dress up night! All it takes is a little imagination. He will be Dick Dastardly … well, you get the picture.
From what I can tell and the various sources I have read, this is not "fake news". A spa in the UK (Ainscow Hotel & Spa in Salford) now offers an ICE PENIS treatment called the "Love Mist" with promises that it will provide better sex.
So this is a pretty weird story to me. I know that we sell our own version of love mist and ice penis trays, but that isn't even in the same ball park as the "Love Mist" treatment. How can freezing your penis give better sex? My penis HATES to be cold.
I assume this "information" came through a press release but I have not been able to find it. According to what I did find, the Ainscow Hotel & Spa has been offering "cryotherapy" services. But those services were about the entire body and not fixated on the genitals. And there is no mention on the official Ainscow Hotal & Spa website about better sex. I checked Tripadvisor and Expedia but could not find any mentions of the "better sex ice penis treatment"!
Here is how the treatment is described:
What is Cryotherapy – With liquid nitrogen vapours reaching -160c you will have amazing results – Cryotherapy treatments are used worldwide. The liquid nitrogen based freezing technology uses vapours to trigger a physiological reaction to cold temperatures, this causes the body to increase its metabolic rate in order to produce heat, meaning that the body burns between 500 – 800 calories in the hours following the procedure. The outer skin is briefly 'frozen' activating increased production of collagen in deeper layers of the skin. The skin regains elasticity and becomes smoother and even tones, significantly improving conditions such as cellulite and skin ageing.
The "Love Mist" ice penis treatment
A -160 degree vapour is blasted over the penis via a liquid nitrogen tank. The nitrogen is filtered and pushed out through a funnel in the form of an ice-cold vapour during the 30-minute invigorating treatment.
When the sub-zero temperature covers the skin, the sudden drop in heat stimulates the temperature receptors, prompting the brain to transmit messages throughout the body so the blood vessels undergo ‘vasoconstriction’. This produces a quicker blood flow and ramps up endorphin levels, generating a natural high.
While the skin continues to feel the ‘freeze’ the body sends signals back and forth to the brain.
These messengers tell the brain if there is damage to the tissues, to repair them.
It’s this that along with the instant endorphin level energy boost and natural high, generates a tighter, youthful, clear and vibrant genital skin appearance through boosting collagen.
What??? "If there is damage to the tissues"? This is my penis (by now, an ice penis) we are talking about, not some random Klenex. I can't wrap my head around this technique to generate "better sex". I just don't get it.
I would rather go stand naked in Burger King's freezer for 30 minutes. I would think that would provide the same endorphin boost without being sprayed with liquid nitrogen!
PS: The front image is from "Naked in a Freezer" from Wassabi Productions. He got in a cyrogenic freezer – but left his shorts and underwear on. Chicken. 🙂
Whether you are a fan of the “50 Shades” franchise of films or not, you must admit that these blockbuster movies brought BDSM mainstream. Blindfold sex is considered entry-level or “BDSM-lite” and is one of the greatest ways of crossing into the “naughty” side of sensory deprivation.
Blindfolds are among the least expensive items we sell, and are probably one of the number one most exciting items sold in the store.
Is blindfold sex really a “thing”? An online study of 2000 women revealed that blindfold sex was in the top 5 things the women wanted to try.
Sensory deprivation or “perceptual isolation” as it is often called in medical terms, is an intentional attempt to reduce the stimuli that bombard your senses. Think of it as a way to remove all the static and noise, and allow you to concentrate on your feelings.
Your brain operates with backup systems to evaluate and process the feelings being received. When one of your main senses is reduced or temporarily eliminated, your brain shifts gears and begins compensating by increasing attention to the feelings coming in through your remaining senses.
That sounds too complicated but it really is simple. If we remove sight with a blindfold for example, we then pay more attention to touch, sound, smell, taste, and scent – all of these become more intense in an effort to compensate for the loss of sight.
Removing the visual stimulus that so many of us rely on, allows us to fell our remaining senses more intently, increasing our arousal and sexual excitement.
Blindfold sex requires understanding from both partners about rules, boundaries and limitations so that everyone is on the same page – sexually speaking.
We can trick our minds to look beyond appearances, but when a blindfold removes the appearance, our mind may find excitement in ways not previously experienced.
Studies have also found that blindfolds help the person wearing the blindfold to lower their inhibitions and try new things, positions and objects that they previously were too shy to do.
You have probably never thought about it before, but there is something about the dark that allows us to feel more open, more wild and less worried about what others think. Although the feelings are different by a mile, think of the excitement that you feel in a dark haunted house. You know you are safe, but it is dark … and the dark changes everything.
Blindfolds are made of silk, satin, cotton, leather, and other materials. They are secured in place by ties, buckles or elastic strips.
Part of the excitement for the wearer is when the partner puts on the blindfold and secures it. At that moment, the wearer is surrendering a small amount of control.
Just a tiny beginning into the word of bondage and restraints.
One of the comments wearer’s make all the time is they do not know what is coming next. That is the point of blindfold sex – if you don’t know where or how you are going to be touched or stroked — you can’t plan for it.
We tell couples to have music playing slightly louder than normal when you decide to experiment with Blindfold sex to cover the sounds of the non-blindfolded partner moving around; picking things up, opening wrappers, etc.
Selectively and alternatively kiss your partner’s body mixed with light touches and strong massage or deep rubs. Vary constantly from arms to the opposite leg to the neck to toes. Your blindfolded partner needs to experience shock at every moment that you make contact.
Tickler feathers are also a fun add on allowing you a way to give very light touches, followed up with light rubs, and even light scratches like those you would give to a child with an itch (no deep scratches as a beginner) – just a simple multi finger scratch being brought down one part of the body; then back to a tickler on another part.
Add a silicone whip to your fun. These whips are not designed to hurt. Choose a whip with many spaghetti-noodle looking strands of silicone or rubber. First, use the whip to drag the strands along the body, allowing only the tips to touch the skin, which allows the feeling of a dozen different tips touching your partner at once. Gently flip the whip against the skin enough only to surprise but not generate pain. For now, no pain.
We sell many safe, low temperature candles which allow you to drop candle wax on your partner. However, we suggest this for intermediate and advanced stages of blindfold sex. The fear of burning is often too much for beginners and overshadows the good feelings being generated.
DO NOT use birthday candles or any other candles around your house. DO NOT USE. They melt at a high temperature and are likely to cause serious injury.
Of course, we have alternatives – that is why LoveWorks exists – to make sure we off the products and information you need.
We offer a variety of massage lotions that get very warm with your exhaled breath. Begin by gently applying the lotion of your choice to different parts of the body (of course you should include the neck, the nipples, and the stomach/abdomen) and don’t forget all of the other spots available like inside of the thigh or the tops of the feet (a surprisingly sensitive patch of skin).
Hopefully you remembered to sneak a few ice cubes in your glass of water. Drink the water so that you can easily get to the ice cubes. Remember not to drip any water before you touch your partner with ice for the first time. After that, you can include dripping ice water as part of the play.
There is big difference between the two. Slow, deep exhaling is where your breath is at its hottest. Blowing cools thing down.
After rubbing patches of warming lotion on your partner’s body, use your slow, deep exhales to heat up the patch of skin that have the lotion.
Stop for a second and quietly get an ice cube. Now rub that ice cube on the skin that you just heated. Then move to another part of the body and repeat what you just did, but in reverse … cool it off then heat it up.
This is where advance planning comes in. You should only be away from someone experiencing blindfold sex as a beginner for no more than a minute or two. To make this next step work, you must have pre-planned it without your partner knowing.
Find things with unique scents … and no, your jock strap and socks do not count (unless your partner is in to that of course)!
A piece of cake, strawberry ice cream, some other food that has smells that your partner likes. I love the smell of marshmallows … don’t know why but there is something uniquely sexual to that scent.
Don’t forget bananas, oranges, fruit loops or even a Halls cough drop. You aren’t going to use all of these, but this gives you ideas of what you have in your house.
As I am writing this, I am trying to imagine what I could use in my house right now. I have some Cheetos, marshmallows, honey roast peanuts, ice cream, chocolate chip cookies and a strawberry drink like Fanta Red. And of course, I have chapstick – maybe I still have the coconut flavored one!
There needs to be minutes between these scent experiences so the body can reset. Gently and slow pass the item under your partner’s nose without touching their lips or skin. Immediately return to something else such as light touching, tickling, etc. to force her mind to switch senses quickly to another activity on another place of the body.
Dip your finger into the strawberry drink or ice cream, but only allow a small film to be on your finger. Gently touch your finger to your partner’s mouth and rub it from one side to the other and then let it stay under your partner’s nose for a second while they use their tongue to taste what you have applied.
I could go on and on – but I don’t want to tell you what to do – I want you to find the things that will excite your partner in ways never before experienced.
I have really concentrated up to now on the person who will be in charge of the excitement, which is the person NOT wearing the blindfold.
Now I want to talk about what the person wearing the blindfold should be doing. Use blindfold sex as a time for your mind to fantasize. Make up your fantasies as you go – think of what friends have told you of their fantasies. Perhaps a visit to a foreign beach and sex on the beach with a faceless native – or multiple natives.
Fantasies enhance your sex life without obligations, guilt or admissions. Fantasies are harmless but give us the opportunity to experience the strange, the taboo, or acts that aren’t accepted in your life or status. And you never stepped outside of your relationship so you are not cheating, regardless of what your fantasies featured.
I live in southern Louisiana with boiled crawfish and other intensely odorous foods. You don’t do blindfold sex on the nights you eat these foods. In fact, sex on crawfish night is a no-no in my house. It doesn’t matter how many times you wash your hands, you can’t get the pepper out of your pores and skin/nail crevices. And in case you haven’t experienced this, genitals do not like red pepper. Sex is immediately over. Do not pass go. Go directly to jail.
The night you are out drinking on the town is also not the night to experiment with blindfold sex. You need an attention span that alcohol won’t help, and you need to be thinking clear without anything dulling your senses. Alcohol is likely to make the non-blindfolded partner not as gentle, and certainly not as patient. Trust me.
Blindfold sex is to help you connect and revitalize all of your senses and the feelings and emotions they can generate.
I prefer to keep all the sex in the bed; not venturing into standing sex or wall sex, or chair sex, because I feel that the person wearing the blindfold will become fearful of falling, losing balance, or stubbing a toe. Plus the move you get them to move, the more likely the blindfold slips or begins to fail, allowing light and images to ruin your partner’s state of mind.
There are enough positions which work just find in the safety of the bed.
Missionary, doggie style, side or spoon sex, are all available – and not being able to see changes the expectation.
Missionary is known as the eye-to-eye sex position. Blindfold sex changes that because one person can’t see. One way to make it more interesting is to position your partner so that there is no skin touching except at the genitals. In other words, as a male, you are on your elbows and toes with no other skin touching your partner except for your genitals.
That way, your occasional touches, strokes, rubs or hot/cold exercises will be a complete shock.
Blindfold sex doesn’t always work as planned because of the blindfolds we choose, or the shape of our face and nose, do not always block out the light enough to give us the real darkness.
In these cases, we suggest something like the “submission mask”, which is a full head cover with an opening for the mouth. It provides much more of a sensory deprivation than a blindfold will, but is usually reserved for the intermediate level. But it will block out light and stop that “I can still see you” comment that too many of us have heard!
Blindfold sex allows you to experiment and “dip your big toe” into role playing, fantasy play, or more accurately, BDSM. Blindfold sex is also a very tame way of experimentation which would not garner gasps or bad looks from those who know you. It is more “basic fun” than it is a form of bondage. Keep that in mind when you are trying it for the first time.
A ball gag is usually made of two items – a “ball” shaped item, which can be made of many different materials, as well as being hollow (to allow uncontrolled access to the mouth) or solid (to prevent access and prevent sound), as well as a rope, strap or other type of restraint to keep the ball gag in place. It is called ball gag bondage for a reason!
Ball gags are added to dominant/submissive role play. The person who is wearing the ball gag is unable to speak, adding a level of helplessness to the physical act. It has become a symbol in the bdsm community, and identifies both the person wearing it as a submissive, and the role they play in the BDSM community.
When the ball gag is placed into your mouth by your dominant partner, it becomes one of the signs that you are submitting to their control – and demonstrates your acceptance that they are depriving you of your ability to speak and make identifiable noises.
The longer you wear a gag, the more you mouth signals that it can not close, nor can you lick your lips, or with most gags, extend your tongue out of your mouth at all. You will also begin to drool without control because your mouth is forced open. The act of drooling adds to the kink of humiliation – and reminds you of the power of control of your master.
Wearing a ball gag provides different uses and feelings depending on the desires of the master and submissive. For example, a ball gag can be a way to humiliate and punish a submissive. Or the submissive might experience “pain-arousal” of having the gag keep their mouth unusually and uncomfortably open.
A ball gag is usually one aspect of the BDSM relationship. When other types of physical restraints are added, the ball bag increases the submissive’s feeling of helplessness, and potentially increases their anxiety level, as they are not capable of speaking during the sexual act – which some people enjoy as much as the act itself.
Not all participants in role play enjoy the use of ball gag bondage. However, for those that do, the use of fantasy and mental stimulation plays a large part of the act and feelings which the gag produces.
Think of the movies in which the bad guy stuffs or ties a rag around the mouth of the “women in distress” in order to prevent her from screaming to attract help. These fetish scenes are sexually arousing for some, and the ball gag provides the physical stimulation to help build the mental fantasy.
From the dominant’s perspective, his submissive may not speak unless given permission; and many dominants enjoy the both the sounds made and the uncontrollable drooling of their gagged partner. Many dominants also say they like the sound their submissives DO NOT make as well!
Different types, designs, and materials of ball gags allow for different levels of roleplay, as well as different levels of submission that ball gag bondage can provide..
One of the factors to consider when choosing materials is the ability to properly clean and disinfect the gag. Just like dildos, or a butt plug, or a vibrator – the gag must be cleaned after every use. Remember that it is being used with a bodily fluid, and you do not want to provide an environment for oral infections.
Depending on how the gag is made, cleaning can be either easy or difficult; and drying time can be minutes or hours. Toy cleaners will work but warm water and mild soap work just fine. Letting it soak in very hot water occasionally also helps.
Not all of the materials of your gag can be cleaned or disinfected. The leather or rubber straps aren’t designed to be disinfected in the same way as they are porous material.
When choosing the first ball gag, we always suggest the smallest of the choices. It is easier to work up and learn what your submissive enjoys, rather than start too large and ruin the moment and enjoyment of using gags.
Beginners — should start with balls that are smaller, and softer, such as silicone, as they will be more comfortable, but still give the feelings and rush you are seeking.
Smaller balls do not force the jaw/mouth open too much. We tend to suggest one piece stretch bands if they are available as they will not get too tight for beginners.
Intermediates — tend to choose bigger balls, and usually materials that are more firm, as well as straps that buckle for longer mouth play. Intermediate balls will open the mouth slightly more, and will decrease the amount of sound heard from the person wearing it. Leather straps help adjust how tight the ball is pulled into the mouth. The ball gag harness is very important to the overall use of ball gags.
Advanced users — tend to choose very hard materials such as metal, or other very hard surface such as a hard plastic. These are also solid, not allowing any air to be brought in through the ball.
They always have leather straps and a buckle allowing for the gag to be tightly pulled into the mouth.
Just like “Kleenex” refers to a tissue and “Xerox” is used to indicate a photo-copy, “ball gag” tends to be used generically to describe different styles of mouth restraints.
Beginner ball gags tend to have holes in them which allow the wearer to breathe more easily. More advanced balls are solid, and larger, which restricts the amount of air the submissive gets, as they must breathe through their nose. This deprivation, although very small, often leads to a more intense experience during orgasm. It is a mild form of erotic asphyxiation.
Other gag styles are available as well. Some are designed to prevent the mouth from being closed, which prevents the submissive from refusing to accept an item in the mouth. Some are round, yet hollow gags – which others are metal mouth stretches.
Because there is so much interest in ball gag bondage, ball gag designs evolve constantly. We have jock strap gags, where the dominant wears the gag as a jock strap for days, then straps it on the submissive’s face, requiring them to breathe in the smell of their master without reprieve.
We also sell gags designed for men, with a built in pocket pal placed in their mouth, so that their master can penetrate the submissive’s mouth (and ejaculate if desired) without restriction or refusal.
Because your submissive will be unable to talk and unable to communicate their feelings, you must create a communication system to make sure you are both on the same page.
That system of communication might include hand movements that you both understand. However, that doesn’t always work when other restraints are involved, and you must have a clear method to communicate that a full stop is necessary.
If the submissive is new to ball gag bondage, limit the initial settings to 15-20 minutes. Your submissive needs to become acclimated to the feeling the gag evokes. Trying to do too much or go too long on the first few attempts can ruin it forever.
Safety is critical. Role play is about fantasy fun, and the excitement that it generates. If your submissive has a cold, or is sniffling, do not use gags. You are using a toy that restricts the airflow – a cold or sinus infection is already causing airflow issues, and you would never want to add a gag in that situation.
Enjoying the use of a ball gag takes time and patience. Partners need to feel comfortable, secure and SAFE before allowing the gag to generate the arousal that it does. We always explain to customers that there is a fine line between pain and pleasure – but what we forget to tell is that there is also a fine line between fear and pleasure. Go slowly, eliminate the fear, and you will experience the wonders of role play with a ball gag.
I’m sure there are women out there reading this while sitting under a hair dryer giggling to themselves thinking … “if only MY man took too long to have an orgasm”! They find it funny that the opposite of a “one minute man” happens to be someone that often GIVES UP after 20 minutes of intercourse because they have an inability to orgasm. “I wish I had that problem in my relationship”, she says.
But the reality and unfairness of the “normal” situation is that the man will have an orgasm. Granted, in many cases, that orgasm might be too soon for our partner’s desires, but we will have an orgasm with them. And generally, that orgasm will signal an end to sex. Our female partner’s know that we are satisfied (whether THEY are satisfied or not, is a discussion for another day!). That reality is different when a man suffers from the inability to orgasm.
As an open-minded guy, I have discussed the inability to orgasm, medically referred to as “anorgasmia”, with friends and acquaintances. The funniest response I ever received was from a women who exclaimed that a man who can’t orgasm would be a “party” her vagina would enjoy.
What she didn’t seem to understand, is the party she was looking forward to, might go on for much longer than she bargained for. Men with anorgasmia (aka the inability to orgasm) typically have intercourse for no less than 20 minutes, and in many cases, double that, before they finally throw in the towel.
Say what you will, but 40 minutes of penetration in multiple positions can overwhelm even the most willing vagina and its owner.
Some guys have learned to accept intercourse on the basis of the feeling of being inside a vagina (or ass) and are active until they are tired. When they are tired, they stop. They stop, because they know that 1) they aren’t going to orgasm and 2) if they keep trying, they will “put a hurtin’ on that vag”.
Other guys begin to lose interest in all intercourse due to the lack of “success” or “completion” they will experience. They know they aren’t going to cum, and that is what sexual activity and expression is about. So rather than continue to “fail”, they stop having sex.
When sexual intercourse continues way past the point of pleasure, there is a good chance you are suffering from anorgasmia. Plus, if you orgasm ONE in every FIVE sexual situations, you can be sure you have a delayed ejaculation condition; your inability to orgasm is real. You read that right – imagine having sexual intercourse five times; only ONE time are you likely to climax.
Further, guys who suffer from anorgasmia or delayed or retarded ejaculation and are promiscuous KNOW that the problem does not lie with partner (or variety of partners). The problem is with the guy – and he knows it.
Women do not understand the problem, and most certainly, can’t understand when it happens to their partner. Most women play by the same script – their male partner always cums; and that is when the bell rings and sex is over. When something interferes with their script, they begin wondering who and what is the cause and the reason for the inability to orgasm.
Sadly, there is very little research being done on men with anorgasmia; and consequently, if your doctor DOES know about it, there is very little that can be done medically to help you.
To understand more about the inability to orgasm, let’s talk about what an orgasm is. Most people (men AND women) think that the ejaculation that occurs after sexual activity is the indicator of a mental and physical release of an orgasm. But that is not true.
First, orgasm and ejaculation are two different processes.
Most men do not understand this, because orgasm and ejaculation usually occur within microseconds of each other. So most people assume they are the same. However, they are not.
You can tell with some guys because they will announce they are cumming, and you will feel the spasms at the bottom of the penile shaft; as well as you might see the spasms in their stomach or upper body before any liquid exits their small head.
You might even notice their toes are curling. It really is kind of difficult to be pleasing your partner and trying to look at his toes – but if you happened to have videotaped your session, you can always look back. Guys curl their toes when they cum. Not something usually discussed over coffee, but there you go.
But the announcement that they are cumming does not usually mean that they are also ejaculating. Ejaculation is often delayed 1-15 seconds. Ejaculation is what causes the most amount of sensitivity and requires the removal of stimulation.
Secondly, some men do have orgasms without ejaculation. It might happen after repeated orgasms, if the man is that lucky. Or it might happen unexpectedly. I experienced it a few times while masturbating during sexual activity, and was quite shocked at the feeling of a dry orgasm. In my situation, this “dry climax” did not feel as fulfilling.
But I did have an orgasm and is better than the majority of times when I do not climax at all.
There are a plethora of reasons why a man might have a dry orgasm, and those reasons are beyond the scope and focus of this article. This article is about the inability to orgasm on a regular basis.
So back to our story. Why does he have an inability to orgasm?
Is it the partner’s fault he cannot cum.
NO. Partners often feel guilty when the male suffers from the inability orgasm; especially when the female partner has been brought to 1 or more orgasms during this intimate time. I usually tell people that ask, “if it was really you, then he never would have had an erection to start with”. The statement isn’t completely true, but it allows people to think about anorgasmia in a different light.
Is he able to cum through any sexual activities?
I am among the many men who are not able to climax through a blowjob, and that hasn’t changed since my early days of sexual experimentation.
Yet I have many friends who have no problem cumming from a blowjob, but when push-comes-to-shove, they also admit that they cum very fast during intercourse as well.
Some help-guides suggest that if your “partner can’t come from a blowjob, he should give up masturbating for a few weeks”. The person who writes this obviously doesn’t understand the true nature of what is going on; and how it does not automatically tie to excess or “death-grip” masturbation. Somehow the authors think that if you masturbate less, you will become more sensitive.
I use these admissions as evidence that the issue of fast or easy orgasm versus the inability to orgasm has something to do with PENILE SENSITIVITY, something I will discuss toward the end of this article.
Can your partner come through masturbation?
I don’t agree with professionals who say that if a man can come through masturbation, then the problem isn’t medical, it is psychological. I can come SOMETIMES through masturbation, and sometimes more often if masturbation to porn. But it doesn’t mean I can masturbate to orgasm all the time.
In many sexual situations, when I could not climax during intercourse, I would attempt to masturbate to orgasm. More than 2/3 of the time, I was unable to masturbate to orgasm, with my female partner lying there with me, often stroking my body as an additional stimulant. Let me be the first to tell you how frustrating that is!
Is there something psychologically holding me back from an orgasm when I am with a partner? No one has been able to convince me of that. As a promiscuous man, I have all the opportunity in the world to choose partners who tick all my boxes. That alone eliminates their “psychological argument” or “partner boredom” in my mind.
Was he able to orgasm before?
This gets asked all the time as if it will help. “Before What”? Before he was with you? Before he became an adult and was getting erections in front of funeral homes? What does “before” really mean?
Did he recently have surgery? Be prescribed new medications? Experience a physical injury? These items are relevant – and if you are referring to the days before these items occurred, then I understand your use of the word “before”. But in general, I think that these items, excluding new medication prescriptions, occur on a small scale, meaning they are not completely relevant.
If you have read my writings before, you know I don’t always agree with the “professionals”. A urologist once said that it takes men “time to have trust in their relationship”, in order to let go of their orgasm.
Yeah, I cried Bullshit at that one. Guys banging a new partner that don’t suffer with anorgasmia or its derivatives, usually pop their load faster, than when they have been with that partner for a while.
Are there are other sexual issues?
In my case, yes, I need a boost of Viagra to get going. I have had everything possible tested – and everything is perfect. Except that I don’t get full erections like I did before.
Is your partner taking Viagra or another sexual supplements that may or may not be a prescribed medication? There are many over-the-counter supplements that act like Viagra, or Cialis. Consequently, they may have some of the same side effects.
There are a few studies that concluded that Viagra and others do not affect the ability or inability to orgasm or the speed at which one does orgasm. In my completely non-scientific discussions with friends who also take Viagra or other similar products – they all agree that orgasms take longer when Viagra or similar products are used.
There is one medical-clinical trial that agreed with my opinion. In summary, they found that men who take Viagra or something similar (they call them “erectogenic” medications. I like that term!) are likely to obtain an erection suitable for intercourse, but without reaching an adequate arousal level, preventing them from easily obtaining an orgasm.
Written differently, with the help of erectogenic meds, men can get an erection without obtaining the necessary psychoemotional arousal or the required amount of mental stimulation that are necessary to reach orgasm.
Is your sexual partner experiencing stress?
Blaming stress on all of the problem of life has become commonplace, and I discount this line of questioning. Yes, technically stress can interfere with all sorts of sexual functions – beginning with arousal – to desire – and to orgasm.
But folks, this is 2020. Who doesn’t have some amounts of stress in their lives? Who isn’t worried about having enough money to retire? Who isn’t concerned about the mortgage payment next month? Who doesn’t think about the cost of sending their child to schools of higher learning? In a 2019 study, 80% of Americans stated that they lived paycheck-to-paycheck. EVERYONE HAS STRESS.
In my opinion, my penis (the small head) isn’t thinking about the car note due on the 15th. My penis sees a wiling vagina or anus and smiles big. I went so far as to ask my penis if it was stressed, and it said “No, pops. Can we go in now?”
How is the overall health of your sexual partner?
Men in good health typically are in good sexual health. But when there is good health, and not as good — sexual health, doctors are stumped and will put up the while flag. That has been my experience in trying to learn about my sexual issues like anorgasmia.
All of the other symptoms need to be ruled out. Heart and blood flow testing, hormone issues and imbalances including testosterone; diabetes; pituitary tumors; thyroid issues; and more. Serotonin, a hormone within the body, acts as a “brake” on orgasms — too much and orgasms become difficult to impossible, and men will suffer the inability to orgasm on a recurring basis. Some medications increase serotonin production as a side effect.
If you weren’t stressed before you had those tests, you will be when you must pay for them.
Does he smoke and/or drink? Both have been known to affect the ability to orgasm – especially drinking.
I don’t address drug use in my articles, but I also don’t want to skip the Elephant in the room. There are current studies published that conclude that smoking marijuana increases ease and frequency of orgasm. The study comprised primarily of women however, and some researchers believe that it is a method of mental relaxation for women that allow them to experience orgasm without shame or difficulty.
Overall testing with men and orgasms has not been conclusive.
Does your partner suffer from performance anxiety?
This is discussed often with “men’s sexual concerns” but I tend to discount it. Men who suffer with performance anxiety have issues getting or maintaining an erection. I have not found any studies that indicate men with performance anxiety would obtain erections strong enough for intercourse but still had an inability to orgasm. None.
However, I did find one obscure reference to a small study that made a correlation between the inability to orgasm in committed relationships when the goal of the partner was to become pregnant and the man was either against it or ambivalent toward it. In other words, he sub-consciously (and unintentionally) does not climax to prevent a pregnancy.
Is the inability to orgasm causing your partner distress?
Doctors agree on one important aspect of anorgasmia or delayed orgasm – it is only a problem if it causes you (the person experiencing the disorder) distress.
Duh. Even if you accept that you are not going to climax EVERY time you have intercourse, you begin to get less interested in sex when you know you are RARELY EVER going to bust. There is only so much excitement that sexual penetration brings when there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
What should you (his partner) do when he throws in the white flag?
A man suffering with anorgasmia will generally stroke in many positions until he reaches exhaustion (or frustration), whichever comes first.
He is likely to pull out and flop onto his back like a fish out of water, in an effort to rest and get his breathing under control.
Interestingly, men and women do not “prepare” or attempt to orgasm in the same way. Men “strain” to cum; we concentrate, stop breathing, pump harder, faster, change positions, and generally use substantially more energy than women when attempting to orgasm.
So what can you do? Roll onto your side and wrap your body around him. Keep your face away from the front of his; you can have your face touching the side of his, but stay away from the area directly in front of his mouth.
If he is hot and sweaty, use a light touch with your fingers (or feather tickler) and run them over his chest and arms, which will begin to cool off his skin. You could also begin to massage his legs and feet, which would be a welcomed distraction to what he just experienced.
Surprisingly, you could begin to gently rub his balls and penis, telling him while you are rubbing how great it felt. Avoid commenting about his inability to orgasm; compliment him on how well he “gave it to you”, or whatever sexually endearing term you use in your relationship.
If he is still erect, ask him if he wants to masturbate. If he chooses to do so, kiss his ears and neck, and use your hands to rub the inside of his thighs and across his chest. Masturbating after a failure, or inability to orgasm, does not always produce an orgasm and may make him more frustrated. This needs to be his choice.
If you enjoy taking his ejaculation in your mouth or on his face, lay your head on the side of your face slightly above the tip of his penis, but do NOT suck it – make sure there is room for him to use his full stroke. With some men, seeing you ready to accept his load, adds one final push that works with masturbation. Before you go this route, understand you need to be committed – and that this doesn’t always work. He STILL may not orgasm.
If it doesn’t work, and he stops masturbating, you return to laying near his face and tell him how hot it was to watch him masturbate. It doesn’t need to be true, you need to turn a negative event into a positive remembrance for him. Men typically do not enjoy masturbating in front of their partners. With anorgasmia, if you can encourage him to masturbate to orgasm after a failed orgasm through intercourse, you will salvage more than you realize.
I have written these suggestions from the POV of a committed partner. A one-night-stand or similar, will not have the level of intimacy; and the man might not feel as stressed by not coming. He will know that if or when she discusses his sexual prowess with her friends, she will say that “he went on and on”. For some men, that is enough positivity to accept the inability to orgasm.
Heterosexual one-night-stands are less likely to evolve into the man masturbating at the end of penetration. Interestingly, bi- or gay sexual hook-ups do not have the same level of concern, and men often masturbate as part of the act, thereby removing any embarrassment.
Does “not cumming” help men to understand what women experience?
The jury is out on that one. Couple often have “quicky” sex that the woman knowingly enters into with the understanding that this is for him, and she isn’t going to cum.
Some men with delayed orgasm are more likely to orgasm and ejaculate with unplanned, unprepared, “natural erection” quicky sex. As you shake your head wondering what I mean, let me try to explain it a different way.
As an example, a man exercises at home in the morning. Afterwards, he walks into the bedroom and begins to take off his exercise clothes and sees his partner also taking off her clothes to shower.
With no preparation, and no erectogenics, the man might feel a natural erection taking over.
If that happens, the partner should encourage the activity with touch and not words; and should lay down on the bed in the husband’s favorite position for orgasm.
For a lot of men, that position is female on her stomach, and man entering from behind.
At that moment, he knows that this is for him only as he prepares himself mentally about how much he needs this orgasm.
The spontaneity, lack of stress, lack of “rules” and clear desire to orgasm and nothing else, may allow for an occasional fast orgasm and ejaculation from the man.
Does this always work? No of course not. But you are still reading because you are looking for ideas – and this is one that has worked.
I mentioned PENILE SENSITIVITY earlier but didn’t explain why it is relevant.
First, as we age, our penis loses sensitivity both on the shaft and the head/glans. It is a documented fact, but not something often discussed because there is nothing we can do. Second, for those of us who are circumcised, we do not have a protective “hood” to help maintain sensitivity in our glans/head; and because we don’t have this hood to use for masturbation, we tend to masturbate more aggressively and with more friction.
Confused? Watch any movie of a man masturbating who is NOT circumcised and then watch a movie of a man who IS circumcised. They masturbate completely different and with different amounts of friction or “squeeze”.
Loss of sensitivity in the penis effects the overall feeling and sensations of everything we do with our penis from penetration to blowjobs to handjobs to self-masturbation. When men move into their “orgasm” position during intercourse, they typically choose a position with the most amount of friction to account from loss of sensitivity.
Why is there loss of sensitivity? Age, hormone imbalances, Testosterone issues, excess masturbation, years and years of rubbing your unprotected penis head against your underwear, and some diseases affecting blood flow, and nerve damage. All of them can be contributing factors.
You can buy creams that stimulate the blood vessels in your penis, bringing more blood to the skin level, and increasing sensitivity to the touch. This is temporary however. There is nothing permanent that can be done.
Some men, me included, find ourselves in a perpetuating cycle of penile degradation. We begin to experience difficulty in climaxing, and we find ourselves becoming less and less sensitive, which makes orgasm even more difficult. And there is NOTHING that can be done for us.
What is an involuntary orgasm?
In the discussion of delayed or retarded ejaculation, the term “involuntary orgasm” is often used, but is slightly misleading. The correct term is “Orgasm through Penile Vibratory Stimulation” – obviously, vibratory means that a “vibrator” is involved. This technique is designed for men who, among other things, have an inability to orgasm.
Basically, on the back of the penis is an “arrow”: the ridge of the glans on each side is the left and right portion of the arrow, and the vein that runs down the middle is the long stem of the arrow.
I have attached a graphic of a dildo sold in LoveWorks with the main vibration point identified with a circle, and an arrow point to it for clarity.
This is not masturbation – this is a couple, working together to bring the man to an orgasm. The man lays back and relaxes, thinking whatever sexual thoughts he chooses.
The man needs to mentally remove all stress, fear, worry, and concerns about having an orgasm.
He must enter this activity with HIS pleasure in mind – the pleasure of his penis being attended to. This might be a very new experience for you — taking the time to “please” his penis.
The vibrator you will need for this activity is the best-selling vibrator for women, the “Sensuelle Point 20 Function Waterproof Bullet”.
Penile vibratory therapy is an FDA approved method of inducing orgasm. It is very specific and documented, and the vibrators must provide vibration at a specific frequency and amplitude. And an FDA approved device cost $995-$1800 USD. Yeah, we don’t sell that.
The Sensuelle, at its lowest speed/vibration, provides a vibration similar to the specs of the fancy, expensive FDA vibration – but not exact.
The first speed works for most, but the second and third also work; but it is imperative to start with the first speed.
Regardless of whether the penis is soft or hard, the tip of the Sensuelle vibrator is placed at the top of the arrow (the location of the circle on the image shown).
The shaft of the vibrator is then angled slightly downward, so that the vibrator remains in contact with the “circle” but also vibrates up to 1” below the circle.
If you are holding the vibrator in the right hand, your left hand should be cupped around the other side of penis, with part of his glans and shaft in the curve of your cupped hand. This provides support for what your right hand is doing.
Do NOT apply pressure – keep the vibrator lightly against the skin. Do not move it around once you find the spot that generates involuntary movement in the penis. Yes, his penis really will twitch when you find the right spot.
When you have it right, the man will experience involuntary contractions of the muscle a man flexes/squeezes to stop his stream of urine. If soft/flaccid, his penis should begin to fill slowly with blood.
If he doesn’t ejaculate before reaching an erection (some ejaculations may occur while he is flaccid!), you may need to re-adjust the vibrator as his penis expands, remembering where to focus the vibrations.
I suggest the first time you do this to NOT adjust vibration speed. If he doesn’t ejaculate within five minutes, stop and rest 15-30 minutes before you do it again.
If all goes well, you will see and feel the spasms in the bottom of penis that occur prior to ejaculation – and you will see and feel the liquid ejaculate, exit his penis. A few seconds after the last liquid comes out, remove the vibrator. Using your left hand, close your hand around his penis lightly and gently and SLOWLY stroke him up and down.
You shouldn’t do this more than a few times per week, and never more than five minutes per session. It is not unusual for the skin where the vibrator was touching to be slightly irritated. Sometimes even a small bump like an acne “zit” will appear from the stimulation. Don’t worry, it goes away quickly.
If this doesn’t work, and he does not ejaculate – you can try other times. But more importantly, he will enjoy the feelings you gave to him and it gives you both another intimate activity to share together. From talking to couples, rarely does the female spend this much time attempting to play with and please the penis.
Be together and be happy. You now have some new things to try.
I could be corny and say, “Remember, Love Works!” — but I won’t. I’m better than that.
For a long time, I didn't like the mens underwear we sold. It always seemed too "dancer-ish" and wasn't practical to wear as daily underwear. Plus, because it was fancier, the price was higher than I would pay for regular underwear.
That was before I discovered the most comfortable mens underwear ever! The underwear has a "pocket" that allows you to position your penis in an upright position, preventing it or your testicles from getting caught under your leg or in the fold of clothing. Think about it for a minute: How often does your guy "adjust" himself?
With our mens underwear, there is NO adjustment. This is my FAVORITE underwear to wear when I'll be on the road driving to the Houston store, or going someone else for hours in the car. Because of the pocket which allows me to wear him "up", I don't have to adjust "him" each time I change positions, trying to get comfortable behind the wheel.
Guys, you will understand this. Your are sitting in the car, your penis is comfortably reclining to the right. And then you get an erection — and there is no room in your jeans or underwear for him to comfortably stretch. What do you do? Reach down, grab him and re-adjust.
If you are wearing the pocket mens underwear from LoveWorks, you don't need to do anything. Your penis is relaxing in an upright position. When you get an erection, he continues in his natural upright path with nothing blocking his way. He pokes his head out of the "LoveWorks Pocket Underwear for Men", looks around, and then returns comfortably to his pocket as your erection subsides.
Spontaneous erections are much more comfortable and less embarrassing. Think of it as a male enhancement. Because you are not restricting your penis with tight clothes, he has the opportunity to stretch more often and much easier. And I'm sure you are like me, erections throughout the day can make you feel really good!
No other mens underwear gives you this comfort! People laugh in the store all-day long at the display of of the pocket mens underwear, because it is so different from anything they have seen. But once they have worn in once in a normally uncomfortable situation like I have described, they love it.
This is only one of the large selection of underwear for men that we have at LoveWorks. We carry boxes, briefs, and occasionally thongs in many different soft, comfortable material in a variety of colors.
We are sorry, but the pocket underwear style is only available in stores.
But be sure to check out the hundreds of other styles online, including one of our better sellers, the Jack Adams Striker brief.
This is another very comfortable material that lets you hang down instead of up. It is perfect for wearing under loose fitting pants.
And yes, we have dozens of styles online of men's thongs for the more brave of you!