The first story I found was in Sandy, Oregon, where a car thief was breaking into cars and hit the jackpot. Apparently, Chelsey Coutts had been stocking up on sextoys for an upcoming bachelorette party to the tune of $500, and storing them in her trunk to make sure the kids didn't find them. I'm not sure what the thief was thinking, but he stole all the toys!
I mean, really. It is not like he can sell them? Show up at the pawn shop. "Hey dude, I got some never used sextoys to sell … really cheap".
And yes, she really reported it to the police. And yes, they really asked her to describe the items! Can you imagine that conversation. "Well officer, one of them was bright red, and a long t-handle. The name of that toy is the Extra Large Butt Plug Sextoy Special."
If you can't leave sextoys in your trunk these days, what kind of world are we living in? The only picture for this story was of Ms Coutts, who happens to be a very pretty woman … but I decided not to include it.
Wait, there is more? More thefts of sextoys? Say it isn't so?
From the news report on Mlive:
Shortly after a Bay City man proposed to his girlfriend at Walmart, the pair shoplifted jewelry and sex toys, police say, leading the newly engaged couple to spend their New Year's Eve in jail.
When he was searched by the police, they found "an edible thong, a sex toy, panties and sex candy". Oops.
But there is another story that I still can't validate.
According to the flier which made the rounds on the web, someone in Houston, Texas (with telephone prefix 281, which includes North Houston), had her car broken into downtown, near Westheimer and Taft.
In the car was a black bag containing three items — an Njoy toy, a blue dildo designed to be used with a strap-on dildo, and a strap-on harness.
And she is offering a $100 reward to get them back.
WHY??? Do you REALLY want them back?? I don't think she has $200 worth of toys lost. Why would you want to pay $100 for possibly USED toys? No thanks.
I could never find any validation that this really occurred, but the details of the location and the matching telephone prefix make me think it was real.
People really do steal sex toys. Damn. Who-da-thunk-it.
I was asked the other day if love dolls can really substitute for a real lover. Based on all the press from Japan about life-like love dolls being collected by single men NOT looking for a partner, I had to think that “yes”, in some cases I think it could. But for most, it is a temporary substitute.
By the way, this is the fun part of the job. I get to write about love dolls, and how to choose them and how to clean them, etc. My wife just walked in while I am writing this article, and laughed when all that was visible on my screen was a picture of a male love doll penis. “I guess you are working” she asked!
First, I must differentiate between the typical blow-up dolls that are available on the market and the high quality silicone real love dolls that range from $1500-$10,000USD! There is an incredible difference between the buyers of these dolls. At LoveWorks, we sell a limited selection of dolls, which I will try to explain in this post.
Sometimes the question of “what is a doll” gets confusing with all the latest products on the market. To make it easier for me, I will start a list:
BLOW UP DOLLS: Your typical cheap plastic blow up doll (reminds me of the inner-tube from a tire with tits and action holes). Can me Male or Female. I refuse to refer to these blow up tires as love dolls.
In general, “DOLLS” will have a head, body, and all arms and legs. That is the definition we use most of the time to identify a “DOLL” from another type of sex toy.
Usually the head is hard, and often the tits are prefilled. Some, like the one on the right, fills with air just like the remainder of the body. We also sell blow up dolls with NO holes, specifically aimed at the Bachelorette party market. But based on my experience in the industry, we sell more blow-up dolls as “gag gifts” for bachelorette parties, divorce parties, etc., than we do for actual sexual use.
BODY PARTS (Masturbators): Not typically considered a love”doll”, as it is more of a masturbator. Might be a large toy, but is usually just the body part itself. Might be an ass, or ass and vagina.
Or, as in the examples shown, it could be the belly button to the bottom of the testicles of a penis sex toy, or a pair of big breasts for a man to masturbate between or feel while masturbating.
FULL TORSO SEX TOYS (Masturbators): It is very difficult NOT to call this a love doll because it has so much of the body. But, even though it is “full-size”, it does not have a head, arms or legs.
These torsos are easier to store than a full size doll; and much easier to clean as there are fewer body parts to work with. The material is usually a soft silicone, and can weigh 20-30 pounds depending on the design.
Some torso designs will lay “flat”, while others have actual big round asses that make their position more like a woman. Most all torso toys with have a usable vagina and ass. Male torso toys will have a hard penis, usually quite large, and a useable ass.
PLUSH TOYS AND DOLLS: Furthest to the left is the Meiki plush love doll according to the manufacturer. The unique thing is the ability to use your own Fleshlight insert for more exciting feelings and easier cleaning. It is also hard-stuffed to support the weight of the person using it.
The plush “anime” doll on the right seems limp and does not appear to be strong enough to support a partner. That defeats the purpose of having the doll in my opinion.
Because of the fleshlight, and the hard case design, almost anything can become a sex doll. For guys that don’t need the visual stimulation of a pretty female face and, in some cases, body — the doll becomes something to lay on and hold the sex toy (fleshlight) while the guy strokes hands-free to completion.
PLUSH STUFFED ANIMALS:
Stuffed animals have made their way into the market both intentionally and unintentionally. Walmart sells LARGE stuffed animals for under $50, which can be converted to a sex toy holder very easily. Make a small slit between the legs and insert your flashlight hard case and go to town. Easy to store, can leave it out in the open and no one will know the difference.
Other stuffed animals were created just for sexual purposes, such as the My Little Sex Toy Pony on the right. Whoever thought love dolls would include stuffed animals and “My Little Pony”.
LADYBOY / TRANS TORSOS: LadyBoy, “Kathoey”, or TransGender torsos are also available, combining the parts of the male and female torsos shown above.
This is also a great love doll for women who want to privately and safely experiment with something new — they can ride the hard penis and while visually enjoying the full breasts. As you can see by the hand in the picture on the right, the penis size is slightly exaggerated as most trans genders do not have equipment this size! I mean, not that I would know that of course, but from what I have been told! 🙂
TORSO AND HEAD COMBINED: Having a head still doesn’t make it a doll in my books, but this has been one of the latest trends — combined the torsos as shown previously with a detachable head unit.
When custom ordering, hair color and length can be specified.
This design is usually available in the $500-$900USD range.
FULL SIZE MALE DOLLS: Probably the market with the fewest sales is the MALE LOVE DOLL market. Notice the muscular stature, full abs, and large, hard penis.
As always, the ass is fully usable as well, and in custom versions, hair and eye colors can be specified.
Look at the picture to the left (without clicking on it to enlarge it) … Did I use a picture of a real man or a love doll?
THE REALISTIC LOVE DOLLS: The industry has grown and advanced so much that the high-end dolls being made now are truly a sight to see. Their bodies are exquisite; soft to the touch, but capable of supporting the weight of the partner.
There are so many movable parts now, that the fingers can be moved in the same joints as a person, able to wrap the fingers around any object.
In 90% of all the dolls, big breasts are the norm. I always found 
that interesting because in the stores, guys talked about big boobs, but always said that they chose a girl with small boobs over one with big boobs. Of course, I have a friend who would laugh at that, because there is no way in this world that he would pass up a big boob girl. 🙂
But the manufacturers are trying to capture every bit of this small market, and being able to provide big boobs or small boobs; different color eyes; different hair length and hair color are all factors that will help personalize a love doll to the buyer’s personal interests.
Love Dolls make up a tiny, tiny percentage of overall sales for any sex toy store. Most “true” doll business is from Chinese (or Japanese) websites, usually direct-from-manufacturer so that eye color and wig color and other options can be chosen.
Hustler, one of the big names in adult toys, marketed a full-size “real-feel” love doll in the past, and stores could never sell the item. It sat and became a conversation point. But customers did not buy it. Customers loved to see it, talk about it, take pictures of it, Facebook and tweet it … but no one wanted to buy it.
Your high-end real doll buyer is a connoisseur of love dolls and is buying the doll for more than just sex. This is the person who is going to dress and display the doll and maintain a relationship of some type with the doll — who will be addressed by “her name”.
That is not the average buyer however. With my experience in an adult store, I learned that guys who bought blow-up dolls used them once and then threw them into a closet or drawer to never be used again. Why? Because they take WAY too much work for a simple session of masturbation. And no one wanted to leave the doll blown-up and standing around the room.
Imagine having to blow up the doll each and every time you want to have a blasting session. You become exhausted from all the work necessary to set-up your afternoon interlude. And I found that guys wanted to blow their load as fast as possible in the most realistic way without having to plan and spend hours prepping or cleaning up afterwards. That means taking 5-10 minutes to blow up a doll would be a unrealistic waste of time, when combined with another 5-15 minutes to deflate and clean up.
We all know that guys aren’t exactly into all the advance planning now don’t we? They want it quick, and on their terms, and blowing up a doll doesn’t always fit into that program! Ideally, the best suggestion we gave in those days was a realistic vagina that didn’t come with all the trappings of preparation and long clean up. That is why fleshlight is such a big seller. There is no prep time unless you choose to heat the insert. And cleanup occurs in a few minutes. And when you tire of a particular insert, it is simple to buy a new one and all of the feelings change.
And yes, I have seen the dolls made for women, but in my opinion, they are usually of terrible quality, and no women I know would want to go that route. Silicone transsexual dolls, or torso dolls are more appealing to ladies, and usually come with a very firm appendage as well as breast. (I just checked on the internet and the official name is “silicone Man Doll”. Sometimes it is “something different” that makes the explosion more intense. With a doll, it doesn’t matter whether you would do it in real life — it is a doll and no one knows!
A love doll companion can be as life like as you want, depending on the amount of money you wish to spend. I have seen so many different materials used for dolls — from stuffed cloth (think of a stuffed animal but sewn into the shape of a pair of pants) to sturdy latex, as well as surgical grade, ultra hygienic latex. Much of the material used is difficult to describe due to the proprietary nature of the skin — such as real feel or Cyber Skin.
And don’t forget the use of actual oversized stuffed animals. Today, with the advent of the fleshlight and its hard case, anything that a man can lay on which will hold the toy in place while he has intercourse with the toy, becomes a sex doll. And with stuffed animals, they may remain in the room — they do not need to be “hidden”. This works great for guys who are not seeking visual stimulation from the object he is having sex with — which works for most guys, since so many are watching porn while they use the doll to masturbate. Sometimes guys told me they didn’t care about the visual stimulus, they just wanted something to “hold” the vagina so they could have sex without having to hold it themselves (having sex versus the feeling of masturbation).
Realistic love dolls provide the visual stimulation that makes masturbation or hands-free masturbation with a toy more pleasurable. And for some guys, it is all about visual stimulation in front of them. These are the guys who will dress his love dolls in lingerie or other clothes that the guy has a fetish for, such as running shorts, or tight crop tops.
For sex, he might just pull the items aside, replying in his head an experience he had in the back of a club where everything was rush-rush. But this doll buyer wants the dolls truly realistic — he wants the vagina and anus to appear as they would on a women. He does not want the slip in ability of using other vaginal inserts as that destroys the “genuineness” of the doll experience.
Female form dolls usually have very firm and large breasts, although a few makes now make “small breast” love dolls and you can search for that term for more information. Some of the dolls allow you to fill the breast with water for a more realistic experience.
Female dolls may also have a built-in vagina or anus, which is the most common, but is NOT the best. The absolute best situation is to have the ability to insert the fleshlight or tenga into the doll, and be able to remove that ONE item for cleaning. Cleaning the semen out of the doll can be both tricky and time consuming when you can’t remove the body parts. And whether you are cleaning a doll, or the vagina insert, you want it to go as quickly as possible. I’m lazy and have no interest in giving the doll a bath after sex. But, to each his own.
The next step in doll creation is the “robotic” doll currently being marked (and currently being fought against in the media!). It is true! There is a campaign against the use of technology for sex dolls! I refuse to link to the site and give the nut-case any creds, but you can find it by reading this article at Popular Mechanics.
The person behind the “no sex doll left behind” campaign believes that robotic dolls “objectifies women and children”. I consider myself to be rather familiar with most words, but I had to look that term up at wiki, because I wanted to know what it really meant.
Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as an instrument of sexual pleasure. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity.
OMG! She is worried about the robot’s feelings? Like we are treating it less than human? We aren’t giving the robot any “dignity”? Are you kidding? This, by the way, is an important psychological issue of “feminism”. Ok, I have had my laughter for the day.
The poor, poor, robot-sextoy. It is such a victim. 🙁
As with all “sex toys”, love dolls require cleaning, and a damp rag rubbed along the skin will remove any sweat residue or other bodily fluids left by the “lover”. 🙂
This article originally appeared with pictures on LoveWorks Magazine
The largest producer of sex toys in the world is China. Allegedly 70% of all adult products sold are Chinese origin. With those numbers, you would think that sex toys were an accepted part of Chinese Values.
Up until a few years ago, a sex shop was not easy to locate in China. That began to change as Mom and Pop stores opened with a few products and have exploded as larger players began to enter the market.
In Beijing, over 5000 sex shop s have allegedly opened, although they are easy to miss. Some visitors had trouble locating the stores, even when knowing what streets they were on. These sex toys sellers are attempting to maintain a low profile as sex is still considered a taboo subject that is not to be discussed.
The proliferation of sex shops is testing the sex taboo. The more shops = the more employees = equals the more people who support families on money from the sale of sex toys. Money can change public mores as it is now changing Chinese values toward sex stores and sex shops.
It is a strange dichotomy. On one hand, a sex shop isn't discussed because they are taboo. On the other hand, shop owners and workers do not have daycare, and their children spend their afternoons in the sex shops.
China Underground did an article on sex shops with lots of pictures of different shops. The pictures are interesting and show, as the article states, that the sex toys market is not that sexy! The pictures are typical for small Asian own stores, where long hours are common. It is not unusual to wake a store clerk when you want to make a purchase!
The sex toys manufactured in China are often copies or knock-offs of brands from the USA. In a Chinese sex shop, when the store owner is asked about the best-selling products, they show the "Fleshlight" male masturbator. The only problem, is that the Chinese version is a knock-off, as the real Fleshlight Sex Toy is manufactured in the USA. The Chinese version is cheaper, but is made of a much lower quality, as are most sex toys from China.
The issue of sex toy quality is changing in the USA, and customers are being educated on the luxury sex toys that are made in the USA. Education and acceptance of the sex industry has had a big affect on people and sexual acceptance in the United States.
This acceptance and education is not occurring in China. It is possible that these new shops are filling the needs of the average Chinese by providing education and information on sex.
Why? Because China is one of the countries that does not have sex education. Part of it comes from the Communist attitude of sex separating the person from their duties to the state.
In the early years of Communism in China, love, let alone the pursuit of sexual pleasure, was seen as bourgeois, interrupting an individual’s connection to the state.
In conversations with Chinese who have migrated to the USA, I was able to learn that the Chinese values regarding the taboo of sex is still alive and well – even though they are no longer living in China.
One lady told me: "My husband wants me to do other sexual positions. But I say NO. I only do one position with him on top. I am Chinese. He must understand that".
With that type of sex education void, China's new sex shops might be what is needed to tip the scale and push more sex education in schools.
Perhaps Chinese values and sexual acceptance is changing, albeit a slow pace. It is changing for young people. The data I have is from 2010; which is a little dated, but I was unable to find newer studies.
the percentage of Chinese women who engage in premarital sex has skyrocketed in urban areas from 15 percent in 1990 to more than 50 percent in 2010
Sexual activity sells sex toys. The more you have, the more you want to add toys, games and excitement to your sexual activities.
A Chinese filmmaker decided to make a movie about opening sex shops out of desperation of having no job and no money. It is a comedy, and the trailer is quite funny. I'm sure anyone in the industry can appreciate some of it!
Many of the sex toys in LoveWorks online store are made in USA. Browse our full line from vibrators to special copy cock items in every color of the rainbow.
This one is a little older, from 2014 in fact, but it still makes me smile when I hear of it. The toy of the year by Play-Doh, was the Cake Mountain kit. The concept was to design "cakes" made of play-doh and decorate them with "icing". And how was the icing put on the cake you ask? Through the offical Play-Doh EXTRUDER. Well, whether you want to call it an "extruder" or an ejaculating dildo is nothing more tahn a matter of opinion.
Now, I don't know about you, but that looks like a penis. But, let me get this straight — you fill the "penis", I mean "extruder" with white "icing" made of play-doh, and then squeeze it out in a long stream from the head of the extruder. Like I said: An ejaculating dildo!! Yeah. Ok.
To add insult to injury, and to demonstrate what SOCIAL MEDIA FAIL means, Play-doh immediately deleted all photos uploaded by parents to its Facebook page! Adding fuel to the fire. parents responded "You made it! There shouldn't be anything you sell to kids that you can't post on Facebook".
Of course, a few people went the other way and wrote "I feel sorry for the adults who mistook this for male genitalia" … along with a ruler measuing the "extruder" and a whopping 3". I guess there are more people with experience with the proper size of ejaculating dildos than I realized!!!
Hasbro pulled the toy immediately … a few more pics though …
The mint-colored toy on the right is an actual SEX TOY! Compare it to the Play-Doh extruder on the left and it is easy to see why it could be mistaken for an actual sex toy.
Play-Doh, Dil-Doh, HasBRO — everything about the company says "Big O"!
And I had to find a review on the toy! I can't stop laughing!
My Fleshlight Review: in my previous post about using Fleshlights, I didn't talk about my favorite model. As I mentioned, I have two; the original that is 18 or 19 years old; and the "pure" or "purist" (both names are used). The Original has the vaginal front and a smooth canal; the purist has a round, very non-descript opening and a super-wavy tunnel.
Needless to say, these two toys provide two very different sensations!
But, at the risk of sounding like a loveworks.com broken record, the way to use a Fleshlight is HANDS FREE. Don't hold it or use your hands to make it go up and down! Guys tend to have sex at a different speed and furor than trying to cum with a toy. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this Purist Fleshlight Review.
First, lets talk about the opening. It is a round hole, like a donut with pink icing glaze. But that is ok with me — I put the toy in a position where I can have sex with it; I don't see the opening once I have entered. And I like this round opening better than the previous "non-descript" openings that were provided. If you plan to lick your toy, or you need the visual, then don't choose the purist. Hey, I'm not judging, just stating a fact.
I consider this toy and opening to be "gender neutral" and "body part neutral". It is not a pussy; not an asshole; not a mouth; it is male or female depending on what you want it to be.
Second, the feel of the tunnel. The tunnel … OMG … the tunnel. The texture goes all the way to the opening, providing increased stimulation. The ribs are, well, "pointed" and produce strong sensations. The tunnel loveworks.com gets more tight the deeper you stroke, which increases the stimulation and sensations to your glans or "the head of your cock".
It is a very pleasurable stroke. With the canal feeling as though it is opening and closing, the build-up is quite strong. It is really difficult to describe as I write this — because the ribs feel as though they are gripping your dick even more as your stroke begins to build. I think another reviewer had it right when he said that as you stroke, you experience a "soft & wide" area and then an "intense & tight" section, the constant changes making your orgasm easier to obtain.
When you reach orgasm, the power is intense, because it is a build-up that isn't what you expect. Don't misunderstand, it isn't painful .. it is quite pleasurable! But stroking through the orgasm is difficult, as the ribs are right there, wrapped around your cock, and threatening to squeeze every drop out of you if you move. I have to wait for a few seconds after the initial wave of orgasm before I can move again, and even then, the strokes are slow, and small.
Some guys will thoroughly love the intensity of forcing their strokes through orgasm. I can't handle it — it is too intense. I have to let those initial waves subside before I can move! And because I am writing a Fleshlight review, I want to use the toy again — just to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Third, the amount of lube. I find that I don't use as much lube with the pure — I squeeze a few quick pumps of either Gun Oil or Swiss Navy (preferred) and then lube my cock the same as if I were with a partner. As I enter, the Pure grabs my cock and is immediately ready.
Fourth, cleanup. To me, cleanup with a Fleshlight isn't worth discussing. All Fleshlights clean up easily. I stick both thumbs in the opening, spread it slightly and run water through it. I flip it over and do the same. I clean the rear cover of the case, as it has often caught either cum or lube. Then I put it all on a towel and let it dry. After every few cleanings, I sprinkle and rub baby powder on the insert to keep it from feeling "sticky" — a feeling that tells you that your toy needs powder.
Other comments. Some guys leave the end-cap or cover very loose to allow more air flow and less suction. I'm the opposite — as I close the rear cover tight. Unfortunately, there is a discussion that guys who have fat cocks don't enjoy the Fleshlight if the cover is closed tight. Well, lets just say I keep mine tightly closed and move on!
I think the orgasm is intense; unbelievable. The pure "pulls" the orgasm out of you and it is an amazing feeling. You might find yourself saying things just as you would with a partner — then laughing at yourself afterwards.
I was asked in the store once about how "realistic" the Fleshlight is to a real pussy. My answer was honest, but shocking to the customer. I said "I don't care about how "realistic" the feeling is. All I care about is having a great cum and in the least amount of time."
I was also told that I should look into the super-ribbed. In looking at the pictures, I can see that the super-ribbed has a lot more ribs, with exact spacing between them. Look again at the pure — the ribs are different sizes, and the spacing is different, creating different feelings during strokes.
As I wrote about previously in another fleshlight review, there are dozens of ways to use the fleshlight hands-free, from expensive to creative. As I was talking about writing this review to my staff, one of them piped up "bungee cords". I looked at her and she continued — "Bungee cords will let you strap the Fleshlight to almost anything and then easily take it all loveworks.com down when finished." And she is right. For guys who like standing sex, strap your toy to the top of a stool, or the pedestal sink in your bathroom.
For me however, I still want to have my toy being held by a pillow, with another pillow on top, so I can pump it like I would a partner. Add porn playing on the computer in front, and I have a romantic orgasmic night ahead of me.
PS: Liberator does make two nice mounts — "On a mission" and "Two Play" that are great for hands free sex with your toy, as long as you are willing to spring for Liberator's prices. I'm still interested in a doll that will hold my toy, but where am I going to store it?
I love the fleshlight and I don't mind "researching" to get a new fleshlight review post online … but I really like the purist. It is sad, but when I find something I like, I rarely even look at other toys!
This sex toy review originally appeared on LoveWorks.com
In Thailand, "worship" and "sex toys" often go hand-in-hand, although not intentionally so. Various temples, and temple-esque locations around the country are adorned with phallic symbols. The phallus, aka "lingam", is a representation of the male erect penis, often created with various sized heads or "glans" according to the history.
It is believed that women carry them to ward off thieves and those who wish to harm them; men wear them to bring good luck — financially and with the women; boys wear them around their neck to keep them safe. Business owners will display these various phallic symbols in their place of business in hopes of brining good fortune and success.
The most famous is the "Chao Mae Tuptim shrine", aka the "Penis Shrine". The temple is covered in penis replicas, of every shape and size, all the way to the size of a canoe. These symbols were thought to have special powers and to bring good luck and fortune, as well as fertility, on all who came in contact. Women hoping to get pregnant leave the offerings (the penis toys), asking the spirits for luck in pregnancy. If the woman's wish was fulfilled, she will return to the shrine and leave another phallus as a thank you.
Penis worship has played a major part in religious history. Various cultures and religions have worn amulets of small penises, as well as praying to huge phallic statues. Wiki has a unique page on the history of the phallus if you need to penis knowledge. It also brings about discussion of "sexuality as spirituality" — something difficult to discuss for most people!
However, in an interesting dichotomy, sex toys are illegal in Thailand. And that created problems for Pranang Cave near the Railay Beach in Krabi, as it was inundated with wooden penises and other sex toys. The cave was not considered to be a "fertility shrine". People believed that the cave was the home of a mythical sea princess, and because of that princess, the cave was generally known with fertility.
Local authorities felt the items were disrespectful to those who wanted to worship at the cave. Interestingly, citizens and worshippers weren't the ones complaining — only authorities once the pictures of the cave and sex toys went viral.
If you are bored, go to Google images and search for "penis statue". The results are astounding from all over the world!
The Bangkok temple is quite unusual and quite interesting.
In one of the more embarrassing "sex toy in the news moments", Lucy Pawle of CNN began announcing that she had spotted an dildo ISIS flag among the London Pride celebration. Her reporting went viral — because the dildo "Isis Flag" turned out to be a flag showing various sex toys including the most obvious design — a butt plug.
Really Lucy? You are in London. That is close to Paris. Don't you remember the giant inflatible butt plug in the main square by Paul McCarthy?? It wasn't that long ago. Surely you can recognize a butt plug, right?
But she got caught up in the moment and began reporting without thinking — even going so far as to report the dildo isis flag containing sex toys to the local police!
The tweets were both incredulous and hilarious. "London is now safe, all thanks to you!" one person tweeted! "The dildo isis flag has been reported."
And to add insult to injury, she reported "I seem to be the only person who has spotted this". Well, actually Lucy, everyone else spotted it also but knew what sex toys looked like. You really should get out more.
CNN has removed all traces of this report … but we found one copy still online:
We don't stock dildo isis flags, but we do have bachelorette flags. Check them out here!
There probably isn't anyone in America that hasn't heard of the "Oregon Occupation" — where a group of armed "militants" or militia, or armed protestors or activists or terrorists, calling themselves the "Citizens for Constitutional Freedom" took over a federally-owned building at the Masher Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, in protest againt the Federal Government's land use policies.
Of course, social media, the good-and-bad evil that it is, immediately created their own names for the group: "Vanilla ISIS" and "Y'all Queda", making light of the word "Y'all" from the south and combing that with Islamic extremists.
So the leader of the group takes to the internet and asks for supplies to be shipped to them. Now why the postal service (PART of the US GOVERNMENT) actualy delivered the packages is a mystery to me, but packages from all over the world began to arrive.
Only problem was — the packages weren't full of oreos and Bud Light. The packages were full of sex toys; as in real Doc Johnson sex toys like dildos and vibrators (the one in his box looked similar to this one)! But one sender did have a sense of humor, AND fulfilled the need for supplies by sending a bag of adult party favors called "Edible Candy Dicks!".
And … I'm REALLY NOT MAKING THIS UP … one guy, Max Temkin, sent a 55-gallon drum of SEX LUBE! His $1200 order (available with free shipping!) included a pump as well.
The Militia/Militants/Terrorist/Y'all Queda/Armed Thugs were not amused as you can see in the video.
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Flying Sex Toy! The politicians in my local city were never (openly!) fond of the sex toys I sell. But I always thought it was because they needed to maintain that old-and-outdated adage that "adult products are bad". I never knew the real reason they didn't like our toys. Now I do — THEY ARE AFRAID WE WILL THROW THEM!!! I appreciate the flying sex toy.
Take New Zealand's Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce as a prime example. He was talking at "Waitangi Day", which is a national commemoration day in New Zealnd (which marks the 1840 signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, which made New Zealand a part of the British Empire) when Nurse Josie Butler threw what appeared to be a "Mister Fix-it Beige Dildo" while hollering "That's for raping our sovereignty".
Joyce was not hurt and later joked about the flying sex toy on social media. Up to this point in his political career, he was a flying dildo virgin.
The nurse (the sexual innuendos of that alone are staggering!) was taken away by the police and the flying sex toy was taken into evidence … although I doubt it was in pink furry handcuffs.
I remember politicians talking about how they would do something "when pigs fly". I gues they won't be saying "when dildos fly" anytime soon — at least not in New Zealand!
Carl’s Jr – we are listening! Anytime someone comes out and says “no more sex”, you can be sure we want to talk about it! And now Carl’s Jr (and sister restaurant, Hardee’s) have decided that commercials that feature Paris Hilton in a sexy swimsuit, and Heidi Klum putting her tongue on the meat, is going by the wayside. They are now deciding that the old “sex sells” adage doesn’t work in the #metoo world.
In full disclosure, we love Carl’s Jr. Supposedly sales are slipping company wide – but they never bothered to ask why. The problem is at Hardee’s – a fast food “red headed step child” that doesn’t know if it should be selling hot dogs, chili, chicken, or turkey burgers.
Hardee’s doesn’t even have some of the Carl’s Jr best sellers on their menu, such as the Western Bacon Cheeseburger and Double Western. Hardee’s staff can’t make the burger on special request.
It also didn’t understand what a strong market leader they had when they bought Burger Chef, then proceeded to close every last one. They didn’t bother to convert most of the locations; they pulled a now-famous Trump “Catch and Kill”. Burger Chef was number two in the USA at the time.
They bought Roy Rogers Chicken in an effort to become more of a chicken restaurant to compete with KFC. Another bad move.
The company also has no control over its locations. There is little to mystery shopping. And international locations do whatever they want including using unapproved, lower quality fries, cheese, and bacon. And corporate does nothing.
Another of the foundations of Carl’s Jr and Hardee’s advertising is the “messy” side of the burgers (similar to what Wendy’s did many years ago with “Hot and Juicy”).
Carl’s famous “It’s gonna get messy” campaign reinforced the juicy nature of their burgers and implies that customers will need lots of napkins to fully enjoy the burger.
What did some international restaurants do? They removed all napkin dispensers from the table, and started allotting two (non-logoed) napkins per customer in an effort to reduce costs, as the cost of corporate approved logo napkins was substantially higher. It took CKE a year or more to catch these violations of SOP and franchise agreements. It took that long because they are NOT INSPECTING RESTAURANTS.
All these years later, Hardee’s and Carl’s still have a dividing line in the USA where the other doesn’t cross – even though they are owned by the same company. The true firepower of CKE is Carl’s Jr; why is it they continue to go through chief executive officers that do not seem to understand where the strengths of the company lie.
Carl’s also can’t decide how to run a loyalty program. I have seen two different loyalty cards in place, before they entire program was shelved. You are missing a huge marketing push. I carried a Carl’s Jr billboard in my wallet for as long as the loyalty program existed. The benefits encouraged me to push others toward lunch at Carl’s. That doesn’t happen anymore. And there is no Carls reminder in my wallet.
The key to Carl’s Jr is the burgers. Yes, they need a chicken burger (or pork burger depending on local culture), but the saving grace of Carl’s Jr is BEEF. Every person I know goes to Carl’s Jr because they want a tasty beef burger.
When McDonald’s dropped all of their premium line Angus burgers from the menu, Carl’s was there to remind its customers “Where’s the Beef” (sorry, Wendy’s). Where Carl’s and Hardee’s have not been successful is penetrating social media; and creating interest in the restaurant.
Social media would have been a strong market for the sex ads campaign that Carl’s was famous for. It would have attracted the younger generation that Carl’s is after now. But CKE, let me tell you … the younger generation you need and want to attract isn’t paying attention to you. You didn’t need to worry about offending them with your ads. You are missing the boat.
There are no official demographics released to the public, but it would be interesting to see the male/female breakdown. Given a choice between McDonald’s or Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s, I can’t imagine that McDonald’s wins out with the 30-55 male crowd. So advertising with “scantily-clad models” works just fine for the demographic.
But then they decided they would “apologize” for their “insensitivity” to women as the #metoo craze hit. They began using the “Carl Hardee Sr” moniker who, as the story unfolded, was taking the reins of the company back from “junior” who enjoyed hiring young, sexy models. “Food not boobs” was the new direction. I’m not sure why they thought they couldn’t have both.
I have to admit that I am a Matthew McConaughey fan – however, I am not a fan of the voice work he is doing in the latest commercials. But then again, it could be that I am not happy that CKE thinks they need to apologize and make amends for the type of advertising they previously used.
As a customer, I am not embarrassed at the ads and videos that ran. And I absolutely won’t feel bad or apologize for those ads encouraging me to eat at Carl’s. The image of Paris Hilton and a thickburger will forever be implanted in my mind.
In fact, for those of you who missed out on some of the best commercials made …
There was Padma Lakshmi, Charlotte McKinney, Samantha Hoopes, Kate Upton, Heidi Klum, Paris Hilton, and Nina Agdal. What part of that doesn’t work for you?
There are also a few commercials that you might have missed like Aqua Teen Hunger Force and these print ads from the Pakistani Group of stores that caused a local uproar.
Awareness is key to success. Ask any male if they know about the Paris Hilton car wash scene for Carl’s. Then ask them if they knew that Arby’s now owns Buffalo Wild Wings. I hope you will ask one of your friends this question and put their response in the comments below!
So, CKE – here are the things I think you should be working on. I’m telling you, because I know from being a long-time, dedicated customer, you aren’t doing it.
Replicate the Carl’s Jr Menu across all Hardee’s and remove the items you added to try to be everything to everyone. Focus on the BURGERS.
Fire your store and franchise compliance division. They haven’t been doing their job. Immediately create a new plan for more frequent inspections and compliance audits through-out the world.
Set up and publicize a method of contact where customers anywhere in the world can file a complaint – and the complaint goes to a COMPLIANCE first – then to the management or ownership involved.
Allowing stores, managers, and franchisees to make their own rules ruins the brand. The brand is about Burgers. Beef Burgers. Juicy Beef Burgers.
Of course, I will not stop eating at Carl’s; even though they are confused and emasculated. They win the burger wars hands down.