Men get bored and lose interest. It happens every day. The problem has been nicknamed “Relationship Attention Deficit Disorder” or RADD. Not really, I just made that up.
It is not the partner’s fault – it is not your fault. It is more likely that he is feeling the need for more excitement, more thrill, more passion, more spontaneity and … wait for it … more romance in the relationship.
Or maybe he is a sex addict and can only be happy when he has mated a new partner. No, that adds too much confusion to this article so I will skip that one.
Understanding why men get bored may help you to implement a plan to prevent this from happening. Lean to redirect his focus, and you might find a stronger relationship.
Although a strange statement from a man, not everyone realizes that there is such a thing as too much closeness; too much intimacy.
When you begin dating one person exclusively, your friends tell you that you are in the “honeymoon” phase … and it is an honest observation of where you are mentally. You want to spend as much time as possible with your new partner/boyfriend/lover.
What you might not realize is the inherent truth in the old adage “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. If you are with him 24 hours a day, there is no opportunity for him to miss you … no chances for him to realize how much he enjoys your company.
Most men have a shorter honeymoon period than women. A few 24-hour days with you will be great. After that – he will grow bored.
Oh, and don’t fall for the naysayers who like to counter with “out of sight, out of mind”. I am not suggesting that you don’t call or text (preferred) every day – I am saying that if you are up your partner’s ass every minute of every day, he will never experience the “down time” without you.
Everyone needs space to be with friends, family, or even alone. I need space to be alone; to have music playing with NO OTHER NOISE.
I want peace and quiet. No other cell phone noise, no hearing TikTok across the house, no hearing someone else’s phone getting Facebook dings.
I don’t want to be asked what we are doing for dinner or if I am hungry yet; or worse, “what are you doing now?” Men get bored with providing “answers” all the time.
To learn what YOUR partner needs and wants, you must broach the subject with him … what type of space does he need?
Some couples create a “man-cave” in the house with the number one rule being – if the door is closed, NO ONE knocks or goes in. In that room, the man needs to know he is on his own; will not be disturbed, and if all of this is done correctly, he will NOT HEAR talking or phone noises.
As long as he is in his private space, no one will ask about eating; no one will tell him the dinner is ready; no one will ask him anything. The man-cave becomes another country – and no one can visit when the door is closed without a special VISA.
Let’s be honest. He might want to masturbate. The ability to crank one off without anyone bothering him might allow the stress reduction and peace he needs. And since he is in his private space, he doesn’t need to be worried that someone (anyone) will walk in on him.
Not all of us want or can afford a man-cave. Would a few dedicated nights out with his friends give him the space he craves? Or would he enjoy spending extra time at work or school one or two nights per week to allow him private time to work on important projects or meet deadlines without feeling as though he is shirking his duties to you?
Chances are that you haven’t taken care of yourself either if you have been spending your time doting on your partner 24/7.
Get in touch with your friends. Plan a fancy restaurant out with them. Maybe join the gym and make a gym schedule with one of your buddies. Even working on that hobby you have been putting off could give you something else to do besides being next to your partner.
If you have nothing to do, and no social or emotional outlets in your life, you will expect and depend on your partner to be the relief valve for all of your concerns. As his pressure cooker explodes, it might be too late to realize that you were the one that was applying to much heat.
It is sad but true – if your man has met another women that he finds interesting or desirable, he may spend more time trying to catch and satisfy her interest. You might even notice that he has become antsy or less patient with you as he begins to think about you less.
I am not saying that he has begun an affair. At this stage, there is another woman that he WANTS to be noticed by and be given attention by.
We already agree that men get bored, but what has pushed him into the arms of another woman? What is lacking in your relationship? What does he think the new woman will give to him that you can’t? Has your relationship or sex-life become stale?
Are you stressing him out about every problem in the home, or in your life, or with the kids? There is a limit on the amount of “information” a man can process – especially if there is NOTHING the man can do about it.
For example – you can’t wait to “share” your feelings about that bitch, Cynthia, and what she did and said about <blah, blah>. But you don’t really just share … you bitch, moan, and complain – and because of how you say it, your man feels an ingrained need to “help” you with your problem.
You tend to “overshare” like this on a regular basis, and expect your man to listen to it attentively, even though there is NOTHING he can say or do to provide guidance or advice to you.
Taking into consideration that studies show men listen to the first 6 minutes of any story told to them by their partner, and you will realize that every minute thereafter, your man will begin to get antsy, and possibly angry, as your story unfolds. This 6 minute window is another example of why men get bored — the attention span just isn’t there. By the time you are finished and want his advice, he is fit to be tied.
On the other hand, let’s assume you don’t overshare – in more ways than one. Your sexual “sharing” has continued to decrease – you are having sex less and less often.
What are YOU doing to encourage sex? And I do NOT, NOT, NOT mean talking about it. Don’t talk about it. Don’t ask if he wants to have sex. Did I make that clear enough?
Actions speak louder than words. Do you want to have sex? Wake up a little earlier in the morning and begin rubbing or sucking his penis to get him in the mood.
In the afternoon when you have 30 minutes of privacy, begin rubbing his penis through his clothes, as you remove all of your clothes. We can all agree that men get bored, but not when having their penis rubbed.
Buy a sex coupon book or make your own sex jar. Both of you write down things you have wanted to try. Put them in the jar and then the next time you are intimate, pick one out and act it out.
Read about how to give a man a hand job. Grabbing it like a toilet plunger and tugging on it hard and rough to unclog the bowl is not what I am referring to.
I am talking about a two handed hand-job with a good quality lube. Experience using different rubbing methods; hand positions; friction (the amount you are squeezing); and varying speeds.
Tell your man to tell you when he is getting close. When he tells you that, DO NOT CHANGE the position, the stroke, the friction, your body position – OR ANYTHING. Maintain what you are doing at all costs until he hits that point of no return and has a completely satisfying release.
As he begins to ejaculate, slow down the stroke, and release most of the friction, and gently squeeze out every drop. Continue to slow down but do not stop until you feel him going soft in your hands.
Change the sex rules. Does your partner usually go down on your for an hour before penetration? Do you typically spend an hour in bed? Drop those rules and have a quicky. Drop your clothes, lay down on the bed on your stomach, and encourage him to please himself; taking you from behind concentrating on his orgasm and nothing else.
When he is away from you, send him erotic, but not pornographic text messages. Tell him how much you enjoyed “the afternoon”, or you can’t wait to repeat “this morning” again.
KISS HIM. Stop thinking he should be the one to kiss you. Learn to be more generous with hugs, and kisses, and gentle over-the-clothes rubs of his penis. These actions won’t always lead to sex, but they remind the man that you can provide affection and attention.
Most men like to kiss but they don’t want to start it. Men get bored because no one is doing to them what they are expected to do. When was the last time you kissed your man’s neck and ears while he was standing next to the sink in the kitchen? And it goes without saying here … if he has some special way he likes to kiss, KISS HIM HIS WAY.
Yes, I know that isn’t a very technical way to say this, and I would get points off in English class, but you know – sometimes reducing words to the smallest possible word choice works wonders.
Stop bitching and arguing about the small things. If I had a dime for every person who has told me about their arguments with their spouse about the toilet seat being down, I would be rich. There are more simple solutions than this. Pick up the damn toilet seat when you are finished is one of the solutions.
The other solution is to know when he usually needs to sit on the toilet. Just before he does, you go and piss on the toilet seat. What is he going to do? He won’t sit until he cleans it – which is likely your argument for wanting the toilet seat picked up as well. When he asks, tell him you are trying to learn to piss through the opening because it seems like fun.
Or he has had a rough day at work. Everyone has been on his ass, nothing went as planned, it was a grade A miserable day and he couldn’t wait to come home, drink a beer, eat dinner and relax to wash off the day’s misery in the comfort of his home.
But as soon as he walks in the door, you tell him about the commitments you made for the two of you to attend a dinner or event with your friends, and have already paid in advance. Or better yet, it is book club night and you need his help to be the supportive spouse and help serve and clean up during the book club meeting at YOUR house.
Continuing to fight over the small things will prevent the two of you from talking about anything – for fear that it will create an argument. Men get bored with this and will then turn to OTHER PEOPLE to talk to and to share what he is doing and thinking. That is not the way you want your relationship to turn.
Do you want to save and/or improve this relationship? Then learn how to communicate, including making changes to the way you approach life and life’s problems. I am not suggesting that you become a different person – but learn what your partner expects and find a way to compromise and make both of you happy. The goal is for both of you to become better people.
For example – DO NOT MAKE COMMITMENTS that he is expected to fulfill without consulting him in advance.
Couples often fight because one of the people in the relationship has needs that aren’t being met. They then lash out for other reasons – usually the “small shit” as I titled it. You need to learn to calmly communicate what you need and want from your partner in a way that makes it easier for him to meet and fulfill.
Don’t leave anything out of what you need. He doesn’t want to be 1) in the dark or 2) be forced to think about what you are doing – this is your plan, you should have everything worked out before talking to him.
I find in my relationship that I respond to a lot of verbal personal attacks as … “AND?” … to encourage my partner to realize that she has done nothing but give me a one-sided verbal “attack”. My response is to get her to realize that she has not asked me to do anything – her words come across as bitching at me.
Women are quick to tell a man what irritates them. Men on the other hand, tend to avoid making those statements – so realize that this is a two-way street.
Remove your emotions from the argument. Are you angry or extremely frustrated? Then this is the wrong time to have a “discussion” with your husband because it will be extremely easy for you to go from Defcon 5 to 1 in a rabbits jump.
Venting to a friend. This carries with it a danger that most people don’t realize. Because you are venting, you might say things to a friend, or disparage your partner more than if you spoke to him. The danger is the impression your friend will have of your partner – and how your venting can accidentally be exposed when your friend is with you and your partner at the same time. Venting sometimes turns the friend completely against the husband, and they develop an antagonistic attitude toward your husband, and it is YOUR fault. You said things to your friend from an angry, one-sided emotional outburst. And now your friend hates your husband.
Compliment and Appreciate. Your partner has many good qualities. Notice them – and let your partner know you appreciate what they do. Men get bored doing things that they think will be appreciated only to receive complaints about something they did not do.
Remember back to when you first got together. You made it a point to show how little things didn’t bother you; that you weren’t one of those “nagging” women; that you could take a lot and not lose your mind over every little thing. What happened?
What happened is you became complacent. You didn’t think you needed to “work” for your partner’s love or affection. You didn’t think that you need to “let things go” or he “might let you go”. In other words, you stopped doing the things you were doing at the start of the relationship.
Do you get angry that your partner doesn’t appear to be listening when you are complaining about something he did? Is he in another world? Men get bored and go off into a safe place. Chances are, you are nagging. You set out by saying you would never be one of those nagging women; and now look what happened.
Are you reminding him of the same things repeatedly, even though you know he has handled the thing you are reminding him of each time it was necessary?
Unnecessary “reminders” is nagging. And when men began to feel the nagging over reminders, they stop doing the item. They don’t always stop intentionally, but to cope with the stress being delivered to them, then seek refuge somewhere in their brain, and the item or responsibility they were supposed to accomplish gets pushed aside. Men get bored hearing the same thing over and over.
Do you need for him to pick up milk on the way home? Send ONE text message shortly before he gets off work asking him to please pick up milk.
Is today trash day? Send him ONE text that says “Hi Honey, I forget to tell you that the trash is coming early today. Would you please make sure it is out by 3pm? Thanks”. It doesn’t matter that trash is coming at the same time that it always comes. It is a small white lie with good intent. In his mind, it is information that he was not aware of, and is not a regular nagging reminder.
Depending on how the reminder is delivered will determine whether it is nagging or helpful.
Regardless of what is going on between you and your partner, do NOT escalate the argument or discussion with ultimatums or generalizations that will inflame the argument and possibly take it to the next step. Once men get bored with a relationship, they are not predictable and might act on your escalation or ultimatum in a manner you do not want.
Deescalate; compliment; appreciate; and realize that your life is better together than apart. Once you realize this, make conscious decisions on how to make your life together better – trying to bring it back to the “honeymoon stage” where everything rolled off of you like water on a duck’s back. Understand that men get bored and you must do more to hep him deal with this attention disorder. When your partner does something RIGHT, notice, appreciate, and mention it, by words, and by affection.
Affection brought the two of you together – and it will keep you together if you will let it.
Quick question:
How many times a week do you have sex on average?
If it’s more than three, do you have a purple bedroom by any chance?
A study conducted by Littlewoods, a home and fashion retail company in the UK, found that your choice of room colors has a genuine impact on how often you get down to business and your quality of sex.
Coming in at the top spot was purple, which corresponded to an average of 3.49 sexy times a week.
So it seems that despite everything we’ve been taught about red and black being the sexiest colors were a little off.
Despite losing out on the top spot, red did come in second place with a score of 3.18 times a week.
Red light districts get their name from the association of red with sex, danger and excitement. It’s not just made up either – colors have a demonstrable impact on behaviour and mood. Our theory is that whilst red does indeed inflame the passions, in a long-term relationship sex is more than just a wild fling – so a more relaxed, less intense purple contributes to ‘lovemaking’-style sex more often and apparently increases the quality of sex during those increased sessions.
So if you’re with a regular sexual partner such as a girlfriend, husband or something similar, purple would be the best way to go when redecorating. If you’re more like Joey from Friends, then red might be better.
And if you were wondering what the worst possible room colors are when it comes to having high quantity and quality of sex are, it’s probably exactly what you’re thinking.
Grey comes in with a dismal 1.80 average. We were a little surprised to find that the second worst paint you could choose for your room color was actually green.
Green is the least stressful color for your eyes to look at. It’s almost like it doesn’t exist, and has a very calming influence on the mind. Beige and Brown also come in very low, with 1.97 and 2.10 respectively.
Perhaps this is why I’ve always found it so difficult to get freaky in a forest.
So what can we take away from all of this?
Well it seems that a choice of purple paint for your bedroom colors is definitely the way to go. A red room can look a little overwhelming, so it’s much easier to persuade a partner to go along with your choice without revealing your ulterior motives.
The massive difference between the amount of sex you’ll end up having in a purple room over a grey one also suggests that the quality of sex is increased too. After all, we do things we enjoy more often than the things we don’t. It seems that purple is actually making the sex you’re having better.
It could just be that people who like grey are as dull in bed as their preferences suggest, but the more likely explanation is the impact of color on your mental state.
So the next time your partner starts to get on your case about redecorating, perhaps it won’t be such a bad thing after all.
Today we’re considering whether it’s possible to be unfaithful in a relationship – without having sex with someone else (sexual infidelity).
Rather than disappearing off to an unused photocopy room to have a quickie at work, it’s a much more subtle kind of affair. The infidelity is mental rather than physical.
It might sound complex, but the idea itself is fairly easy to understand. Most couples are each other’s primary emotional connection. We may have strong relationships with friends and family, but a romantic relationship has a very different quality.
So what happens when somebody is getting that kind of connection from somewhere else?
When somebody physically has an affair, the damage it causes to the trust and bond is immediately apparent. In most relationships, the understanding is that neither party will venture off to sow their wild oats elsewhere. When this is broken, the frequent result is a break-up.
But many times couples are able to fight through these kinds of difficulties. The underlying cause for wanting to physically cheat on another can often be easy to solve. After all, if you tend to have one night stands when you’re under the influence of alcohol, it’s fairly simple to limit your drinking. This isn’t to say that there’s always a clean and tidy excuse for sexual infidelity & cheating, but when compared to emotional cheating it’s a lot less complex.
In a situation where one person in a relationship becomes emotionally unfaithful, it tends to involve a sort of pseudo-relationship with another person. Imagine everything you ever did with a new partner, all the excitement of dressing up your best, laughing away long into the night, sharing intimate stories of your pasts. The only thing that isn’t there is the sex.
It might sound a lot like a really great friendship, but it’s not. Every feeling that comes with the territory of love and romance is there – it just isn’t being acted on in the same way. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable behaving in the same way with somebody other than your partner, then that’s a pretty sure sign that it’s emotional cheating. A partner who is experiencing emotional cheating will also be aware of this on some level, and you’ll see a lot of effort being made to hide the most intimate levels of their emotional cheating – even if they’ve never heard of it.
But so what?
Unfortunately for whoever is being left out, they quickly begin to notice an uncomfortable gap in their relationship. As they are no longer the source of emotional fulfillment for their partner, their own emotional needs go ignored in turn. Soon, a gaping void opens up between the couple. They become ever more distant from each other.
And then one day, it becomes apparent that the relationship no longer exists. Even the person doing the emotional cheating won’t notice until the rift is already there – and by then it’s probably too late to do anything about it.
The real danger of emotional infidelity is how insidiously it destroys a relationship. There’s no big moment that can ultimately be used to strengthen the relationship. After all, it’s hard to accuse somebody of cheating when they haven’t actually had sex with someone else. Even if you were to say (as silly as it may sound) “I think you’re cheating on me emotionally”, the accused party may not even understand. “We’re just good friends, why is that a problem?”
You immediately look like you’re jealously possessive. You’re quite likely to end up escalating the problem if you don’t have enough tact or subtlety to handle the conversation.
So what can you do if you suspect your partner of emotional infidelity?
The reality is that there’s no one size fits all approach. No matter whether the cheating is sexual or emotional, the unique circumstances that caused the lack of faithfulness to arise will require a unique solution if you want to save your relationship. Just be aware that a person can check out of a relationship long before they have a sexual affair.
You might be wondering; how can you tell if your partner is emotionally cheating on you?
Thankfully, regardless of whether your partner is cheating on you sexually or emotionally, they exhibit many of the same red flags.
If your partner becomes more inclined to sneak around and hide what they’re getting up to, this is a big sign that something is wrong. The actual reason can be a number of things. We’ve all seen sitcom episodes where someone is suspected of cheating, but it turns out they’re planning a surprise party. However, secretiveness is rarely innocent, and it betrays the trust that you should have as a couple.
Your partner may also become glued to their phone or computer for longer periods of time. This is due to the increased communication with their partner outside of your relationship. They may also prevent access to previously open accounts such as email in order to hide the depth of their intimacy.
They will also enjoy talking about the other person. It seems counterintuitive considering the aforementioned secretiveness, but it’s hard not to gush about somebody you love and admire whenever the opportunity comes up. Watch out for repeated and glowing references to a particular individual that aren’t really justified.
We’ve already covered a few other signs throughout, such as growing disinterest in your own relationship, so we won’t repeat the points.
But even if you do find your partner is emotionally cheating, it’s not an automatic death sentence for your relationship. Given time, patience and the right attitude, it’s very possible you could go on to a new level – whether together or alone – so don’t despair!
Paul McCarthy is an artist with a penchant for giant inflatable sex toys. He proudly displays his creations in full public view – and has received what can be described as a mixed response at best from the public.
At the Watermill Benefit, Paul McCarthy unveiled a 60-foot high, all black butt plug. The big butt plug loomed imposingly over the entire exhibition. Unbelievably, this was hardly the most overtly sexual piece of the day, with multiple live performance pieces involving full nudity and plenty more proudly oversized penises.
It’s not entirely clear what the piece was trying to achieve. The size of sex toys is creeping ever higher to accommodate more extreme tastes, so perhaps it was a comment on that. Then again, it could just as easily have been the inherent funniness of sticking a big butt plug in the open for people to laugh at that motivated him.
But for Paul McCarthy, his fixation on creating larger than life sex toys is far from over. Notably, one of his inflatable sculptures, Tree, evoked extreme hostility when it was unveiled in Paris.
Although the sculpture ostensibly represented a simplistic Christmas tree, the shape was one clearly meant to bring to mind images of a big butt plug. The sculpture lasted barely two days before being destroyed – and Paul McCarthy himself was physically attacked by the outraged public.
It’s difficult to have sympathy with McCarthy despite the unacceptable treatment he received. He candidly admitted that the Tree sculpture was blatantly supposed to be seen for the giant butt plug that it actually resembled. A healthy openness and positive attitude towards sex and experimentation with toys is one thing, but placing a crude version of a sex toy in a full public space is another – especially when the artist himself is only looking to make ‘a joke’ rather than invite the audience to engage with the work.
The differences between the reactions of the British public and the French show a stark difference. Are the Brits simply showing their famous stiff upper lip, or are the French right to get so worked up over an undisguised attack on public decency?
One can’t help but wonder if the British are simply more comfortable with sex toys, including big butt plugs, than their compatriots across the Channel. After all, the British do buy more sex toys online than nearly everybody else in the world – including the French.
Whatever the case, Paul McCarthy is likely to have a few more sexual surprises (and big butt plugs!) for us over the next few years and the response to them will likely be just as interesting as the art itself.
Perhaps next time Paul McCarthy fancies unleashing his latest creation, he would be better off keeping his big butt plugs in an environment where they can be appreciated for what they are. Despite being so on the nose, his sculptures are quite amusing in a simplistic manner.
PS: One of the best articles describing McCarthy's work is here along with another huge inflatable butt plug creation!
And here is the article on his Paris butt plug that REALLY pissed people off!
The holy grail of sex toys has been found. Yes, it’s the world’s biggest dildo, and it’s truly majestic to behold.
A U.S company called Pipedream Extreme unveiled the King Cock late last year. The aptly named dildo stands taller than any man, although it seems doubtful that they would need to be concerned.
The problem with the King Cock is that it’s not feasible to use. The world’s biggest dildo is over 12 feet tall, and the girth is similarly impressive.
The monster member took over three weeks to construct, and has less in common with sex toys than a small building. The general shape comes from a series of aluminum panels, which is covered with rubber and painted.
Pipedream Extreme was inspired to build the King Cock for ANME (Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo) after having similar success with a previous design that featured an entire wall of vaginas. Fuelled by the gleeful thrill of being the creators of the world’s biggest dildo, Pipedreams wasted no time in contacting the Guinness Book of World Records to lodge their claim to fame. Unfortunately, the record hasn’t been officially entered into the books yet.
This hasn’t damped Pipedream Extreme's spirits, who are now considering new ways to push the limits on sex toys.
But what does this mean for those searching for the biggest dildo they can find?
No matter how extreme your tastes get, you’ll eventually run into a hard limit on how much your body can take and still have a pleasurable experience. Dozens of dildos are available that cater for the size queens and kings. Promotional pieces like the King Cock are fun, but don’t give you many ideas on how to go on to find the right sex toy for you.
Instead of searching for the world’s biggest dildo, consider how other qualities of a sex toy can lead to greater satisfaction. The King Cock uses rubber for the outer casing, but have you considered a glass dildo? They’re just as safe, and the difference in texture and the possibility for some truly unique shapes makes them great for finding something new.
For inspiration from Pipedream Extreme, they’ve been playing with ideas for the world’s largest vibrator and squirting dildos.
So if you’re still stuck thinking about the physical dimensions of a dildo when you buy it, you shouldn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger.
For the record, although the King Cock is currently thought to be unusable, it’s being taken on a tour of similar exhibitions to ANME and will be arriving in sex-liberal Germany. It remains to be seen whether anyone can conquer the King Cock.
We aren’t betting it’ll happen anytime soon.
Spirituality and Sexuality: a compromise
It doesn’t matter where you are; if the word “sex” is spoken, a hush occurs around you and people start paying attention. Mention spirituality and sexuality in the same sentence and a room goes quiet.
Believers struggle with the concept of spirituality and sexual acceptance. There are rules we must follow and talking about sex appears to break one of those rules.
Why is it that we equate the concept of sex with shame? We are all God’s children, and we are here because of sex. It doesn’t more basic than that.
When we factor in the shame that occurs with the act of sexuality, we create new problems. One person’s inability to perform, or get their body to prepare for the sexual act with their partner can lead to confrontation, as well as feelings of inadequacy and possibly, lack of loving.
The problems that occur within the act of sexuality can be remedied. But it takes a person to push away the shame and realize nothing is wrong with them — they just need a little extra help.
Church members have often spoke to the elders and asked how to “fix” these problems that they are not equipped to remedy without guidance. Spirituality and Sexuality combined have never been an easy topic for the church to answer and provide guidance.
In 2015 a study was performed in which church members at an un-named church were asked to write any problems regardling their sexuality and more specifically the sexual act, and turn that to the elders (anonymously of course). The elders explained that the most common issue would be addressed among any adult members who wished to attend a special session.
The largest single problem found on these hand-written notes were about the inability of the female partner (whether it was written by the husband or wife) to get wet, and how that was impacting their life.
In the response, it was discussed that “life”, kids, and stress are the biggest causes of this problem but that the solution is quite simple.
The solution: buy a lubricant to assist with those loving moments when nature wasn’t cooperating. They could also speak to their gynecologist and ask for specific recommendations of type of lubricant and best place to purchase.
Many of them followed up and were given suggestions about brands and types, water-based vs silicone, glycerin free, as well as lubes that should not be used.
It was a very forward move on the part of the elders, and a very happy moment for couples who did not know how to fix their perceived “problems” in their moments of sexuality.
Spirituality and Sexuality: a compromise
It doesn’t matter where you are; if the word “sex” is spoken, a hush occurs around you and people start paying attention. Mention spirituality and sexuality in the same sentence and a room goes quiet.
Believers struggle with the concept of spirituality and sexual acceptance. There are rules we must follow and talking about sex appears to break one of those rules.
Why is it that we equate the concept of sex with shame? We are all God’s children, and we are here because of sex. It doesn’t more basic than that.
When we factor in the shame that occurs with the act of sexuality, we create new problems. One person’s inability to perform, or get their body to prepare for the sexual act with their partner can lead to confrontation, as well as feelings of inadequacy and possibly, lack of loving.
The problems that occur within the act of sexuality can be remedied. But it takes a person to push away the shame and realize nothing is wrong with them — they just need a little extra help.
Church members have often spoke to the elders and asked how to “fix” these problems that they are not equipped to remedy without guidance. Spirituality and Sexuality combined have never been an easy topic for the church to answer and provide guidance.
In 2015 a study was performed in which church members at an un-named church were asked to write any problems regardling their sexuality and more specifically the sexual act, and turn that to the elders (anonymously of course). The elders explained that the most common issue would be addressed among any adult members who wished to attend a special session.
The largest single problem found on these hand-written notes were about the inability of the female partner (whether it was written by the husband or wife) to get wet, and how that was impacting their life.
In the response, it was discussed that “life”, kids, and stress are the biggest causes of this problem but that the solution is quite simple.
The solution: buy a lubricant to assist with those loving moments when nature wasn’t cooperating. They could also speak to their gynecologist and ask for specific recommendations of type of lubricant and best place to purchase.
Many of them followed up and were given suggestions about brands and types, water-based vs silicone, glycerin free, as well as lubes that should not be used.
It was a very forward move on the part of the elders, and a very happy moment for couples who did not know how to fix their perceived “problems” in their moments of sexuality.
Totally cutting yourself off from any sexual activity (abstinence) you may have some repercussions to your health by not getting the natural benefits of sex. But you may ask, priests are already doing it, and my spinster aunt is certainly not getting any, yet they are doing fine?
Indeed it’s hard to gauge the physical effects of abstinence with each individual case study. But the good thing is that science is also curious about that question, and it’s attempting to find an answer.
There are two schools of thought here: first is that abstinence won’t have any bearing to your physiological makeup; and the other is that the absence of sexual activity can harm you both mentally and physically.
Abstinence and Your Physical State
The benefits of sex are well-documented. Among them include:
So it stands to reason that when you abstain from sex, you don’t get to enjoy the benefits already stated above.
Abstinence and Your Mental State
But there’s another school of thought which posits that abstinence doesn’t harm people physiologically as much as mentally. When you go back to the priest example, he pretty much goes throughout his whole life without sex, and yet most of those in the clergy live up to their old age without any health problems.
The problem is the mental state, especially if you abstain from sex by force of circumstance, or even by choice. What are the factors that can negatively affect your sex life?
Regardless, there are studies that proved that lack of sex among women will cause drastic changes in their privates. Abstinence, especially for a long time, will lead to hyper-sensitive vaginal walls. This makes sex a very painful experience for them. Then they find themselves in a Catch-22 situation: they need to have sex to stimulate their vagina, but then again the act itself is so painful to prevent lubrication typically associated with pleasure. For men, erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation can be a risk.
More importantly, lack of sex will also be the downfall of almost all marriages.
What to Do?
If your situation is temporary, it’s important that you masturbate yourself to orgasm. Men need no further motivation as about 8 in 10 of American men have pleasured themselves at least once in their lives; while only about 40% of women do so.
If the problem is with your partner, it’s time to get out of the toxic relationship before you end up hating each other. Unless it’s in line with your vocation, or due to lack of choice, there’s no sense to continue abstinence. There are just so many benefits of sex to deny yourself its pleasures.
The California Highway Patrol had the shock of their lives when they arrested a 60 year old man with what appeared to be a bomb hidden in his anus.
The man had parked in a prohibited area, and when officers contacted him they began to suspect him of more than just illegal parking.
A quick examination of the man’s vehicle lead to the discovery of a quantity of methamphetamine – a drug known for causing reckless and dangerous behavior in users.
Following the discovery, he was brought to CHP offices in South Lake Tahoe, and the situation quickly escalated, necessitating the need for a rapid evacuation after evidence came to light that the man may have been carrying a bomb discreetly tucked into anal cavity. The officers were alerted to this fact when they noticed he was carrying a trigger with a wire that trailed into his pants.
More alarmingly, the man began to discuss explosives and weapons in detail – showing off an intimate knowledge of their use and construction.
Naturally, in an age where domestic terrorism and the ever looming threat of mass destruction keeps our security services on high alert, the CHP wasted no time in calling for support and ensuring that nobody would be in the vicinity in the event of detonation.
The CHP were not amused when the suspected bomb turned out to be a vibrating butt plug.
Whilst this seems like a funny event, it brings to light the dangers of using sex toys such as a butt plug in public. Although someone may be innocently (or not so innocently depending on your viewpoint) having a pleasurable anal experience and enjoying the fact that nobody else can tell what they’re doing – it only takes a small amount 
of suspicion for such an act to be wildly misinterpreted.
So if you’re determined to use your very own vibrating butt plug – don’t be so stupid as to start chatting about bombs when you’ve got a wire leading into your butt!
In fact, it seems like sex toys such as vibrating butt plugs and dildos often cause bomb scares.
Do your part to help our security services and make sure that anything which could vibrate or otherwise be mistaken for an explosive device is packed away securely and turned off until you’re in privacy once again!
But before you go – would you ever have a public anal experience? Or worn a vibrating butt plug or other toy in a public situation? There’s a thrill of doing something so naughty in plain view without being caught to be sure.
When it comes to choosing a sex toy, something you’ll want to be sure of is that it’s safe. Nothing can spoil your fun faster than finding out you’ve been using a potentially harmful device.
Thankfully, choosing safe sex toys for women is pretty easy. If you’re still a little unsure about how to find one that’s guaranteed to be risk-free, we’ve put together a handy little guide that shows you everything you need to be aware of.
With basic sex toys such as dildos, manufacturers use a few common materials such as rubber, plastic and metal.
Cheaper sex toys for women tend towards soft plastics. There’s a couple of problems with these, but they’re easy to deal with. Condoms are for more than just preventing unwanted pregnancy – they’re also one of the simplest ways to keep any sex toys used for penetration clean.
Firstly, these types of materials are capable of trapping dirt and bacteria within the surface. Even with regular cleaning it can be difficult to dislodge these particles, which can increase your risk of infections – especially if you also share the toy with someone else or use it for anal play.
The quickest way to avoid any issues arising from this is to simply use a condom. Combined with frequent cleaning, this will ensure that your sex toys remain clean and safe to use over and over again.
Sex toys for women made from harder materials like silicone and metal lack the porous qualities that are typical of soft plastic and jelly toys. Thoroughly cleaning all parts of these toys between use is enough to keep them safe, but like with any other sex toys you should also use condoms if you plan on sharing them or non-vaginal use.
Additionally, it’s worth keeping in mind that some plastics use chemicals that have been linked to health problems. These have been dropped by most sex toy manufacturers, so you’re unlikely to see them. Just look out for a notice on the packaging that clearly states that the product is from phthalates and you should be fine. Even those that do contain phthalates can be safely used when wrapped in a condom.
Sex toys for women such as vibrators can cause concern over whether it places you at risk of being electrocuted.
Generally speaking, there is absolutely nothing to fear in this regard. A few sex toys have been recalled over safety concerns in this manner in the past, but the amount of actual incidents is staggeringly low.
If you want to be absolutely sure that any sex toys that use power are safe, it’s often a very simple matter to check that there are no exposed wires. Even if you use a sex toy for a long period of time, the likelihood of injury is very low. If you do find exposed wires, don’t roll up your sleeves and fix it yourself. Throw it away and buy a new one. If you have warranty coverage, then you may even be able to get a brand new sex toy for free.
If you’re pregnant then it’s very natural to become worried about anything that goes near your vagina – including sex toys that you may not have thought twice about using in the past.
Once again, there’s very little reason to be concerned.
There are a number of scenarios in which sex toy for women should be avoided whilst pregnant. Firstly, any toys that contain phthalates should be wrapped with a condom or avoided completely as the chemical can be harmful to your baby, although this would require long and frequent sessions.
Secondly, a weak cervix or low lying placenta can make deep penetration from sex toys riskier. In this case, it is worth consulting your doctor for advice.
Generally speaking though, sex toys for women will have no impact on your pregnancy as long as you take care to keep them free from any bacteria that could cause an infection.
We hope that reading this will have given you a little piece of mind. Of course, if you’re still in any doubt about whether a specific sex toy is safe to use, it’s always best to ask!